A mysterious new staff therapist joins the crew at the base.
This episode is dedicated to our Captain and friend, Mbula Enobong.
Starring Kristi Boulton, Michael Divinski, Phil Johnston and Sean Howard.
Special guest: Nicole Passmore
Sound design and music: Eli Hamada McIlveen
Cover art: David Demaret
Announcers: Marisa King and Michael Howie
Find and support our sponsors at fableandfolly.com/partners.
Content warning: panic, mind control and strong language.
ANNOUNCEMENT
SEAN
Hi friends. Sean here, one of the producers of Civilized, and I also play Bob.
And some of you may have seen the notices that we posted, but about a week ago, we learned that Mbula Enobong passed on. She played the Captain in Civilized, and Mbula is a fellow improviser here in Hamilton, and dear friend and a member of our cast. And we’re still at sort of a loss for words.
Mbula taught me to take every chance I can to dance, and to always laugh and to always hug strangers. And all we can do now is carry what Mbula taught us—carry her forward. So I just wanted you all to know that this had happened. We have also recently given some money to a cause that she cared very much about, and that is thanks to all of you that have helped support us. So we made a donation to St Joe’s Youth Wellness Centre in her name. And… we will miss her. But we will also carry on with laughter and dance and hugs as she would want.
Theme music plays.
NARRATOR
Humanity’s last hope to find and settle a new world. A small terraforming fleet sets out to prepare a lifeless planet for the colony ships sure to follow in their wake.
ANNOUNCER
Civilized.
READY ROOM
BEATRICE
Director Tinsley. Good morning, sir. I’m sorry to interrupt you while you’re eating your very bland looking oatmeal. Commissary lacking a little today, sir?
ROBERT
They make this specially for me every morning, to my specifications, Miss Brass. It’s fine… What can I do for you?
BEATRICE
Yes. Well, I wanted to introduce you to our newest onboard therapist, sir. As you know, Dr. Michaels disappeared—we’re not really sure where she went off to.
ROBERT
No, no, sorry. I did not know this. Was this in a report?
BEATRICE
Well, yes, sir. I sent you an email.
ROBERT
(flustered)
Oh, well, I don’t have access to my computer right now. Remember the virus situation. Albert is working on it. I’ve requested that all files be delivered on paper.
BEATRICE
Yes, well, my apologies, sir. I just wanted to be as efficient as possible. But anyway, I wanted to introduce you to our newest therapist. So—Doctor?
DR. LEONNA TRON
(a faint European accent, reminiscent of a certain starship counselor from television)
Hello, I’m Dr. Leonna Tron. And I am a therapist.
ROBERT
(startled)
It’s very strange. I actually didn’t see you standing there until you started talking.
DR. LEONNA TRON
I attended a school in the A-entes, it’s a region of stars far beyond here, where I learned how to blend in with my surroundings.
ROBERT
Your voice is very melodic and soothing.
They both laugh gently.
DR. LEONNA TRON
What a compliment. I can sense you’re feeling anger.
ROBERT
Yes, yes. I was! My meal was horribly interrupted!
DR. LEONNA TRON
Oh, oh, the most angering thing that can happen is the halt of digestion, whether it be food, or information, or… love.
ROBERT
Love?
DR. LEONNA TRON
Love.
ROBERT
(softly)
Love.
DR. LEONNA TRON
(softly)
Love.
BEATRICE
I’m sorry to break this up. Director. Um, I’m just going to excuse myself for a moment. I need to speak with Mr. Bridges. Uh—I’ll, I’ll leave you to it.
ROBERT
Leave me to what?
(silence)
Where did she go?
BARTY’S OFFICE
ALBERTA
Barty, I’m telling you. They fell down a giant crack. I saw it! They walked out of the base, they took five steps and that old therapist lady fell straight down a giant fissure in the earth that swallowed her up and disappeared.
BARTY
You’re telling me there’s a giant crack five steps away from the base? We’re not aware of the giant crack. Is it still there? Base still cracked?
ALBERTA
No, it closed itself up.
BARTY
Ohh. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, no, the crack opened up, she fell in, and then it sealed itself off, making—
ALBERTA
I don’t understand why I would make this story up, though. To whose benefit?
BEATRICE
(from the hall, over the communicator)
Mr. Bridges, Bartholomew, Barty, Can I come in? Please?
BARTY
Uh—
BEATRICE
Permission to enter?
BARTY
(stammering in imitation of Beatrice)
Bea—Beatrice—Miss Brass—Beatrice. Ah, yes, yes, you can come in.
Beatrice enters
BEATRICE
Um, have you two met the new onboard therapist yet?
BARTY
Um, I can’t say I have, I think we’ve been too busy telling totally true stories.
ALBERTA
I’m scared to get close to anyone, with what’s been happening lately.
BEATRICE
Well, it’s funny you say that, because um, she appeared at my office this morning and you know, introduced herself as the new therapist, and I introduced her to the director… But then she said something really strange that got me thinking, like she said she went to a school far, far away from here but… I mean, I went to go check the manifest and her name isn’t on the document.
BARTY
You kind of mean like in old stories. It’s like “In a school far, far away”.
BEATRICE
No, Bartholomew, I am saying I think this is strange. I mean, she herself is a bit odd, but I mean, aren’t all therapists? Ha ha ha, ha ha.
A chime over the public address system.
ROBERT
(over the PA)
This is Director Tinsley to all personnel. Uh, just want to let everyone know that we have an amazing new therapist on board, and all personnel are mandated to attend a session immediately. Please book with my secretary.
BARTY
How are we all going to attend a session immediately? Is it gonna be like a group thing, we’re all going to be sitting in a circle?
BEATRICE
This is beside the point. I just think there’s something strange going on.
ALBERTA
Isn’t the director his own secretary?
LABORATORY
ALBERTA
I’m honestly nervous. I don’t… As I’m saying, a lot of people have been going missing around here lately. So I don’t know if I have the space for a new… friend.
DR. LEONNA TRON
(chuckles gently)
I’m not a friend. I’m here to help. I can sense…
Soft, mystical music.
ALBERTA
What? What’s happening?
DR. LEONNA TRON
Oh, I don’t want to tell you…
ALBERTA
No, wait, what can you sense? Can I sense it?
DR. LEONNA TRON
(teasing)
Ah-ah.
Only if you’re in tune with your own emotions.
The music stops.
ALBERTA
I’m not. I’m—
DR. LEONNA TRON
Oh. Take my hand.
The music starts again.
Alberta leans forward and takes Tron’s hand.
ALBERTA
It’s so cold.
DR. LEONNA TRON
(amused)
Uh huh. Thank you.
Take my hand.
ALBERTA
Okay…
DR. LEONNA TRON
Squeeze my hand.
ALBERTA
Oh…!
DR. LEONNA TRON
What am I feeling?
Their voices begin to echo.
ALBERTA
You’re feeling… I—it’s… you’re feeling excited.
DR. LEONNA TRON
(gasps softly)
ALBERTA
And you’re feeling like, there’s… it’s like, you’ve walked into a room.
DR. LEONNA TRON
Yes…
ALBERTA
And everyone’s looking at you the second you walk in. Maybe because you’ve got a new haircut. Oh, and you can tell they like it.
DR. LEONNA TRON
Yes.
The music ends abruptly.
ALBERTA
(panting)
Ugh! That was exhausting.
The door slides open and Beatrice walks in.
BEATRICE
Albert. I just wanted—
Oh.
DR. LEONNA TRON
Hello.
BEATRICE
Hello, doctor.
DR. LEONNA TRON
Hello.
ALBERTA
I’ve—I’ve seen the other side now.
BEATRICE
(spins)
What?
DR. LEONNA TRON
He’s seen the other side. When you can feel another’s emotions, there’s nothing stopping you from feeling your own.
Beatrice edges away and hurries out.
BEATRICE
I’m going to go find Mr. Bridges.
BARTY’S OFFICE
ROBERT
(over the communicator)
Sorry. Barty is it okay, if I come in?
BARTY
(with exaggerated earnestness)
Yes, it is. Okay. If you come in.
ROBERT
Were you being facetious—? I’m just coming in.
The door slides open and Robert starts to enter.
BARTY
No, no, no!
Robert freezes in the doorway.
BARTY
I’m just kidding. Come on. Come on. Sit down.
Robert sighs and sits.
ROBERT
So?
BARTY
So…?
ROBERT
How was your How was your session? Was it life changing? Made you really think about why we’re here? What our purpose is in life, and our choices, and the things we’ve always wanted to say but never did?
BARTY
You know what? It was life changing. Because I took that time to, you know, really do like, a deep floss. You know, like I did a deep clean. I just stayed in my washroom. And I just, you know, I really made sure there was no plaque or tartar or anything. I feel like a new man.
ROBERT
(confused)
You’re not being facetious, or sarcastic?
BARTY
No, look at this smile!
ROBERT
I can never tell you. You haven’t had a session with the the new therapist?
BARTY
Oh, it was scheduled.
ROBERT
And?
BARTY
And—look at my teeth!
ROBERT
Barty, I really think you need to see her.
BARTY
Yeah, she did too.
Silence.
ROBERT
Oh… if I were to make it an order?
BARTY
Well, I suppose “director” gives you that power. Is that what you’re doing? Director?
ROBERT
Yes, yes, I am. I want all personnel to have a session.
(looking around)
She’s not here now, is she?
DR. LEONNA TRON
I’ve been here the entire time. Hmm!
They both spin round, startled.
BARTY
Did she come in with you?!
DR. LEONNA TRON
What you thought were curtains were actually my sinewy legs. What you thought was the sunlight artificially streaming from a machine is actually the glow of my brain.
ROBERT
Oh…
DR. LEONNA TRON
Your session starts now, Barty.
BARTY
(sighs)
Robert starts to back away out of the room.
ROBERT
Well, I guess I’ll just leave you to your session, maybe I could book another session after, Leonna?
DR. LEONNA TRON
Book away.
ROBERT
Okay. I’ll just show myself out.
He does just that.
Silence.
DR. LEONNA TRON
Barty.
BARTY
(awkward)
Uh… yeah. Take a seat, I guess?
DR. LEONNA TRON
Oh, that’s for me to tell to you.
BARTY
Oh, uh, right—
DR. LEONNA TRON
I am the one who says to take a seat.
BARTY
Yeah, silly, I just—
DR. LEONNA TRON
Take a seat, Barty.
Barty slowly sits.
BARTY
I guess I figured because we were in my room…
DR. LEONNA TRON
(a chuckle)
Barty, when you’ve traveled the universe as much as I have, you understand—a room does not belong to one person. A room belongs to us all.
BARTY
Ah! Well, that’s a real hot take.
DR. LEONNA TRON
Look into my eyes, Barty.
The strange music has started again.
DR. LEONNA TRON
Why won’t you look in my eyes? Barty?
BARTY
I’m not avoiding—
DR. LEONNA TRON
Look in my eyes.
BARTY
(uncomfortable)
I—
DR. LEONNA TRON
Look in my eyes.
BARTY
Fine
DR. LEONNA TRON
Stop looking away. There they are. Yes…
BARTY
(trying to maintain some dignity)
I’m looking in your eyes.
DR. LEONNA TRON
Yes. And what are you feeling?
You must be feeling something.
BARTY
I’m feeling…
I’m feeling…
I’m feeling…!
DR. LEONNA TRON
(gasps)
The music stops abruptly.
BARTY
Uncomfortable.
Music sting.
LABORATORY
Alberta is rummaging through shelves and throwing equipment in a garbage can.
ALBERTA
This camera is garbage… and this camera’s garbage. All these wires are garbage. Dr. Tron was right. Technology is irrelevant and emotions are everything. I’m gonna give up science and technology.
The door opens and Robert enters.
ROBERT
Oh, there you are, Alberta. I brought these diagrams of our nuclear codes. If you see Leonna Tron, can you please just give them to her?
ALBERTA
Yeah, I’m giving her all my good stuff, too. She says that we have to rid ourselves of these technological interferences…
ROBERT
Yes!
ALBERTA
And my emotional powers will get stronger.
ROBERT
Yes!
The door opens and Beatrice marches in, furious.
BEATRICE
No, no! No! What are you both…?! What are you doing with the nuclear codes?
ROBERT
(guilty)
Nothing…
She rounds on Alberta.
BEATRICE
What are you doing with all the wires? What? No! No! You are both—ohhhh, I know what’s going on here. Okay. Ha ha ha. Everyone on the ship’s being weird. Anyone who’s seen that doctor’s being weird!
No, no, give me—give those back to me!
She snatches the paper from Robert’s hand over his protests, and grabs some wires out of Alberta’s hands.
BEATRICE
Give me those. Give me those wires, Alberta!
ALBERTA
I have more wires!
BEATRICE
Give ’em! Stop it.
ALBERTA
I have more.
BEATRICE
I know you have a million wires. You know what you should be doing is wiring your brain correctly, because something here is fishy. And as head of security, how am I the only one who sees this!?
ROBERT
(sincere)
Beatrice, you you need to address this unbridled anger and distrust. It’s not healthy.
BEATRICE
Oh, don’t you get—arghhh!
(pacing, agitated)
You’re playing her little… ooh, you’re gettin’ in my brain space. No no! Not today! Ha ha! No. I seem like the only one who hasn’t had a session with this “doctor”.
ROBERT
That’s called transference. Beatrice. I think you need to meet with her.
BEATRICE
Whoa, whoa, ha ha ha—
ALBERTA
Yeah, once you look into her big glowing brain, things just start to make all sorts of sense.
ROBERT
Yes.
BEATRICE
Like giving her the nuclear codes to our base?!
ROBERT
We’re not ready for them. We don’t have the emotional maturity for those!
BEATRICE
You know what? There’s only one other sane person on board, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it is Bartholomew. So I’m going to find him to try and get him to talk some sense into you.
ROBERT
Okay!
She storms out.
BARTY’S OFFICE
BEATRICE
(over the communicator, determined this time)
Bartholomew. Can I come in?
BARTY
(matching her intensity)
Yes, you can come in.
Beatrice enters.
BEATRICE
Bartholomew. Something weird is going on. That doctor… anybody that she’s seen is now like a hippy-dippy weird in-touch-with-the-universe… nobody’s getting their jobs done—things are falling apart!
BARTY
I know, right? I noticed that right after my appointment with her.
Silence.
BEATRICE
(alarmed)
What?
BARTY
Yeah, well, I had my appointment with her.
BEATRICE
No no no no no, we agreed you were gonna floss.
BARTY
I know, I did floss. But then the director came in, and—
BEATRICE
No no no, there’s tartar for days! I don’t understand. You—
BARTY
Not any more, it’s still holding over. But… you know what I’ve been thinking? In many ways, I am a truly uncomfortable person.
BEATRICE
What?
BARTY
I mean, I, I get my work done, you know, but there’s a lot of things that I keep at a distance. I’m not comfortable. I mean, you know, you’ve said it, I use humor, I use sarcasm. Maybe that is reflective of a deep underlying issue!
Silence.
BEATRICE
(whispers)
What happened to you?
LOUNGE
ROBERT
Thank you, Beatrice. Miss Brass, for coming here to the, you know, lounge. We’d like you to have a seat. Um, I believe this is—what do you what do you call this again? Oh, an intervention. Yes.
BEATRICE
No, no, no, no, I’m the one who should be interventioning you. Okay? Everybody is losing it!
ROBERT
No we’re just, we’re here to hear you. To, to listen.
ALBERTA
And you’re here to listen to Dr. Tron.
Beatrice spins round.
BEATRICE
Whoa whoa whoa, she’s here?
DR. LEONNA TRON
I’ve been here the whole time.
BEATRICE
Agh! Sinewy curtains!
DR. LEONNA TRON
I was melted into the floor. Because when you learn how to control your emotions… you can become anything.
Don’t you want that, Beatrice?
BEATRICE
(pacing)
No no no no, this is weird. Okay? Does no one else see that this is weird? She’s not human!
DR. LEONNA TRON
(gentle laugh)
No! I’m not human Beatrice. That’s awfully xenophobic of you. Why did you assume I was human?
(more and more hurt)
Can’t other species have emotions, Beatrice? Is it just humans who are allowed to have emotions, Beatrice?
BEATRICE
Okay, why is everyone else crying right now?
ROBERT
(in tears)
It’s just so true…
DR. LEONNA TRON
Because they’re in touch with the universe.
ALBERTA
(peculiar sobbing)
DR. LEONNA TRON
That one cries like a dolphin cries.
Robert, Alberta and Barty go on sobbing.
BEATRICE
Okay—
DR. LEONNA TRON
Cry for us, Beatrice.
ALBERTA
Do it, Beatrice…
DR. LEONNA TRON
Shed your need for technology. Give yourself over, Beatrice.
The eerie music returns.
ROBERT
Join us, Beatrice. Be one. Say what you’re feeling and just look into her eyes…
DR. LEONNA TRON
Look into my eyes, Beatrice.
BEATRICE
I don’t want to…
ALBERTA
Feel the glow of her brain. It’s so warm…
DR. LEONNA TRON
Beatrice…
Beatrice…
BEATRICE
(squirms)
Nghh!
The music grows sinister.
DR. LEONNA TRON
(fierce)
Look into my eyes, Beatrice.
BEATRICE
Agh!
(freaked out)
Ohhh, it’s like… it’s like, I can see through space and time. And at the middle of it is a beating heart.
DR. LEONNA TRON
(softly)
Yes. You see?
BEATRICE
But wait. Wait a minute.
DR. LEONNA TRON
What?
BEATRICE
As a woman I’m far more in control of my emotions than any of these dum-dums.
DR. LEONNA TRON
Ah, I forgot. Human men are fools.
BEATRICE
Fools! Ha!
DR. LEONNA TRON
Liable to get carried away—but human women… And you’re one of those?
BEATRICE
I am.
DR. LEONNA TRON
They know how to control their emotions.
BEATRICE
You’re right. I can!
(suddenly on the attack)
How do you control yours… Dr. Tron?
DR. LEONNA TRON
(wavering)
I control my emotions because I am in touch with them.
BEATRICE
Yeah, well, are you sure you’re in touch with them? Or are you just masking that in-touchness with, with solving other people’s problems?
DR. LEONNA TRON
No!
BEATRICE
Are you sure you’re not just a problem solver and that you’re trying to correct the world to make yourself feel better?
DR. LEONNA TRON
Psychobabble!
BEATRICE
Are you just trying to repair everyone else?
DR. LEONNA TRON
Pseudoscience! It’s… cutting me…
BEATRICE
As the head of security, I went through some serious therapy before I came here to try and be in touch with myself so I could support the rest of my team.
And I can see inside of you. I feel the pain of having to manage everyone else’s emotions and expectations!
The music stops. Back to reality.
DR. LEONNA TRON
Yes…
BEATRICE
It’s so much weight!
DR. LEONNA TRON
Yes!
Taking it all on. Having to know that that one feels horny, and that one feels lustful, and that one is angry there are no crunchy cereals left…
BEATRICE
Don’t you see? These are minuscule things, minuscule problems that people can solve on their own.
DR. LEONNA TRON
Yes!
BEATRICE
You can get your energy and put it towards yourself!
DR. LEONNA TRON
Oh, you’re right. You’re right. I mean, I did come to the ship to steal all of your technology that you would willingly give to me once you fell in love with the idea of emotion over logic.
BEATRICE
I picked that up.
DR. LEONNA TRON
Which men are already prey to, anyway…
BEATRICE
Yes! Lust! Lust, whether it’s lust for sex or whether it’s lust for crunchy cereal, it’s only lust or anger!
DR. LEONNA TRON
Yes. Oh, it’s all fuck or fight with them, isn’t it?
BEATRICE
It is!
DR. LEONNA TRON
(waves of emotion)
But you’re right. I shouldn’t be stealing your technology. Or conniving your human feeble men.
BEATRICE
(whispers)
You’re worth so much more.
DR. LEONNA TRON
I should be working on myself.
BEATRICE
You deserve it.
DR. LEONNA TRON
(softly)
Thank you.
BEATRICE
You’ve been taking care of everyone else for so long… but who takes care of you?
They both break down in tears.
BEATRICE
Come here!
ROBERT
(weeping)
I love a good cry!
BEATRICE
(also weeping)
Get away from us!
ROBERT
Okay, sorry!
BARTY
This whole exchange has made me very uncomfortable.
CONTROL ROOM
The door slides open as Barty enters.
ROBERT
Ah, Barty, thank you for meeting me here in the control room. Um, just a couple questions I wanted to review with you in the protocols…
BARTY
Sounds like fun.
ROBERT
Uh, yes. So thank you for labelling the colors of all the buttons. Very helpful… for someone else.
(opens a book)
Um, I’m just curious about this “Nuclear Launch Code” section. Because I don’t appear to have any nuclear launch codes.
BARTY
I, um—
ROBERT
Look, here’s the manual… the backup…
BARTY
Well, I mean, director, we, we wouldn’t keep your top secret nuclear launch codes in the public manual. But your private codes are still accessible to you, I’m sure?
ROBERT
Here’s my private book. Look, there is a section missing.
BARTY
(looks)
Oh, and it is torn just below the title “NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES”. That is suggestive.
ROBERT
(whispers)
I think we have a spy.
Beatrice strides in.
BEATRICE
Boys. I’ve decided to enter rooms now without asking about it. And here you go. The nuclear launch codes are missing, I hear. Well! A little replacement for you.
She hands him a piece of paper.
ROBERT
Oh, good to see you, Miss Brass. Well, thank you. I’ll just take that piece of paper.
BEATRICE
It’s from Dr. Tron… should make sense when you look at it.
ROBERT
Oh…
BEATRICE
Really look at it.
ROBERT
Oh, it’s a pair of eyes.
BARTY
(uncomfortable noises)
ROBERT
Ugh. I don’t know how I feel about that. I’ll just put that here in the manual on the missing page. Thank you Miss Brass.
BEATRICE
Really look inside yourself next time you try to give away the nuclear codes.
ROBERT
Right? Okay. Yeah.
BEATRICE
Okay.
I’m gonna go say bye to Dr. Tron.
ROBERT
All right. Very good. Thank you, again, for the creepy eyes.
BEATRICE
Mm hmm.
She exits.
ROBERT
Barty, who’s Dr. Tron?
BARTY
I don’t know… but the name makes me uncomfortable.
LOUNGE
DR. LEONNA TRON
Goodbye, Beatrice. The men will forget me. I’ve… I’ve made it so… and you’re right. Those nuclear codes are only safe with you… a woman.
BEATRICE
I’m the only one who thinks before I do around here.
DR. LEONNA TRON
Yes. The only one who thinks, period.
They both laugh—then stop suddenly.
BEATRICE
I wish you didn’t have to go.
Silence.
DR. LEONNA TRON
I’m glad to have met you. You’ve taught me a lot about self care.
BEATRICE
And you’ve taught me a lot about how to manage idiots.
DR. LEONNA TRON
I’ll think of you while I’m taking a bubble bath in the Milky Way.
BEATRICE
(laughs, flattered)
DR. LEONNA TRON
Burning pictures of my exes over the fires of Venus.
BEATRICE
Have you ever heard of Alanis Morissette?
DR. LEONNA TRON
No!
BEATRICE
Well, take a listen while you do that.
DR. LEONNA TRON
Oh! All right.
Good luck, Beatrice.
BEATRICE
Good luck to you too.
DR. LEONNA TRON
Good luck.
They cry together once more and embrace.
DR. LEONNA TRON
I’ll miss you.
BEATRICE
I’ll miss you too.
LABORATORY
ALBERTA
Barty, I’m telling you, I saw it, Dr. Tron took like five, seven steps outside the base and then a giant fissure opened up and swallowed her whole! And then cleared itself right back up. I swear!
BARTY
Man, that five step range sure is a problem for those therapists, huh?
CREDITS
Theme music plays.
ANNOUNCER
Civilized.
Starring Kristi Boulton, Michael Divinski, Phil Johnston and Sean Howard, with special guest Nicole Passmore.
Sound design and music by Eli Hamada McIlveen.
Cover art by David Demaret.
Join us on Patreon for bonus episodes and lots more. Look for the Support Us link at civilizedpod.com.
OUTTAKE
NICOLE PASSMORE
First name Leonna, last name Tron.
MICHAEL DIVINSKI
Oh! That’s good.
KRISTI BOULTON
Got it, got it.
NICOLE PASSMORE
Like Deanna Troi.
KRISTI
Yeah yeah! Ha ha, that’s what I thought. Okay! So cool.
MICHAEL DIVINSKI
Good clarification, though. I was picturing like Megatron kind of a thing.
NICOLE PASSMORE
(laughing)
That does sound like it.