307: Therapy (with Nicole Passmore)

A mysterious new staff therapist joins the crew at the base.

This episode is dedicated to our Captain and friend, Mbula Enobong.

Starring Kristi Boulton, Michael Divinski, Phil Johnston and Sean Howard.
Special guest: Nicole Passmore
Sound design and music: Eli Hamada McIlveen
Cover art: David Demaret
Announcers: Marisa King and Michael Howie

Find and support our sponsors at fableandfolly.com/partners.

Content warning: panic, mind control and strong language.

ANNOUNCEMENT

SEAN

Hi friends. Sean here, one of the producers of Civilized, and I also play Bob.

And some of you may have seen the notices that we posted, but about a week ago, we learned that Mbula Enobong passed on. She played the Captain in Civilized, and Mbula is a fellow improviser here in Hamilton, and dear friend and a member of our cast. And we’re still at sort of a loss for words.

Mbula taught me to take every chance I can to dance, and to always laugh and to always hug strangers. And all we can do now is carry what Mbula taught us—carry her forward. So I just wanted you all to know that this had happened. We have also recently given some money to a cause that she cared very much about, and that is thanks to all of you that have helped support us. So we made a donation to St Joe’s Youth Wellness Centre in her name. And… we will miss her. But we will also carry on with laughter and dance and hugs as she would want.

Theme music plays.

NARRATOR

Humanity’s last hope to find and settle a new world. A small terraforming fleet sets out to prepare a lifeless planet for the colony ships sure to follow in their wake.

ANNOUNCER

Civilized.

READY ROOM

BEATRICE

Director Tinsley. Good morning, sir. I’m sorry to interrupt you while you’re eating your very bland looking oatmeal. Commissary lacking a little today, sir?

ROBERT

They make this specially for me every morning, to my specifications, Miss Brass. It’s fine… What can I do for you?

BEATRICE

Yes. Well, I wanted to introduce you to our newest onboard therapist, sir. As you know, Dr. Michaels disappeared—we’re not really sure where she went off to.

ROBERT

No, no, sorry. I did not know this. Was this in a report?

BEATRICE

Well, yes, sir. I sent you an email.

ROBERT

(flustered)

Oh, well, I don’t have access to my computer right now. Remember the virus situation. Albert is working on it. I’ve requested that all files be delivered on paper.

BEATRICE

Yes, well, my apologies, sir. I just wanted to be as efficient as possible. But anyway, I wanted to introduce you to our newest therapist. So—Doctor?

DR. LEONNA TRON

(a faint European accent, reminiscent of a certain starship counselor from television)

Hello, I’m Dr. Leonna Tron. And I am a therapist.

ROBERT

(startled)

It’s very strange. I actually didn’t see you standing there until you started talking.

DR. LEONNA TRON

I attended a school in the A-entes, it’s a region of stars far beyond here, where I learned how to blend in with my surroundings.

ROBERT

Your voice is very melodic and soothing.

They both laugh gently.

DR. LEONNA TRON

What a compliment. I can sense you’re feeling anger.

ROBERT

Yes, yes. I was! My meal was horribly interrupted!

DR. LEONNA TRON

Oh, oh, the most angering thing that can happen is the halt of digestion, whether it be food, or information, or… love.

ROBERT

Love?

DR. LEONNA TRON

Love.

ROBERT

(softly)

Love.

DR. LEONNA TRON

(softly)

Love.

BEATRICE

I’m sorry to break this up. Director. Um, I’m just going to excuse myself for a moment. I need to speak with Mr. Bridges. Uh—I’ll, I’ll leave you to it.

ROBERT

Leave me to what?

(silence)

Where did she go?

BARTY’S OFFICE

ALBERTA

Barty, I’m telling you. They fell down a giant crack. I saw it! They walked out of the base, they took five steps and that old therapist lady fell straight down a giant fissure in the earth that swallowed her up and disappeared.

BARTY

You’re telling me there’s a giant crack five steps away from the base? We’re not aware of the giant crack. Is it still there? Base still cracked?

ALBERTA

No, it closed itself up.

BARTY

Ohh. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, no, the crack opened up, she fell in, and then it sealed itself off, making—

ALBERTA

I don’t understand why I would make this story up, though. To whose benefit?

BEATRICE

(from the hall, over the communicator)

Mr. Bridges, Bartholomew, Barty, Can I come in? Please?

BARTY

Uh—

BEATRICE

Permission to enter?

BARTY

(stammering in imitation of Beatrice)

Bea—Beatrice—Miss Brass—Beatrice. Ah, yes, yes, you can come in.

Beatrice enters

BEATRICE

Um, have you two met the new onboard therapist yet?

BARTY

Um, I can’t say I have, I think we’ve been too busy telling totally true stories.

ALBERTA

I’m scared to get close to anyone, with what’s been happening lately.

BEATRICE

Well, it’s funny you say that, because um, she appeared at my office this morning and you know, introduced herself as the new therapist, and I introduced her to the director… But then she said something really strange that got me thinking, like she said she went to a school far, far away from here but… I mean, I went to go check the manifest and her name isn’t on the document.

BARTY

You kind of mean like in old stories. It’s like “In a school far, far away”.

BEATRICE

No, Bartholomew, I am saying I think this is strange. I mean, she herself is a bit odd, but I mean, aren’t all therapists? Ha ha ha, ha ha.

A chime over the public address system.

ROBERT

(over the PA)

This is Director Tinsley to all personnel. Uh, just want to let everyone know that we have an amazing new therapist on board, and all personnel are mandated to attend a session immediately. Please book with my secretary.

BARTY

How are we all going to attend a session immediately? Is it gonna be like a group thing, we’re all going to be sitting in a circle?

BEATRICE

This is beside the point. I just think there’s something strange going on.

ALBERTA

Isn’t the director his own secretary?

LABORATORY

ALBERTA

I’m honestly nervous. I don’t… As I’m saying, a lot of people have been going missing around here lately. So I don’t know if I have the space for a new… friend.

DR. LEONNA TRON

(chuckles gently)

I’m not a friend. I’m here to help. I can sense…

Soft, mystical music.

ALBERTA

What? What’s happening?

DR. LEONNA TRON

Oh, I don’t want to tell you…

ALBERTA

No, wait, what can you sense? Can I sense it?

DR. LEONNA TRON

(teasing)

Ah-ah.

Only if you’re in tune with your own emotions.

The music stops.

ALBERTA

I’m not. I’m—

DR. LEONNA TRON

Oh. Take my hand.

The music starts again.

Alberta leans forward and takes Tron’s hand.

ALBERTA

It’s so cold.

DR. LEONNA TRON

(amused)

Uh huh. Thank you.

Take my hand.

ALBERTA

Okay…

DR. LEONNA TRON

Squeeze my hand.

ALBERTA

Oh…!

DR. LEONNA TRON

What am I feeling?

Their voices begin to echo.

ALBERTA

You’re feeling… I—it’s… you’re feeling excited.

DR. LEONNA TRON

(gasps softly)

ALBERTA

And you’re feeling like, there’s… it’s like, you’ve walked into a room.

DR. LEONNA TRON

Yes…

ALBERTA

And everyone’s looking at you the second you walk in. Maybe because you’ve got a new haircut. Oh, and you can tell they like it.

DR. LEONNA TRON

Yes.

The music ends abruptly.

ALBERTA

(panting)

Ugh! That was exhausting.

The door slides open and Beatrice walks in.

BEATRICE

Albert. I just wanted—

Oh.

DR. LEONNA TRON

Hello.

BEATRICE

Hello, doctor.

DR. LEONNA TRON

Hello.

ALBERTA

I’ve—I’ve seen the other side now.

BEATRICE

(spins)

What?

DR. LEONNA TRON

He’s seen the other side. When you can feel another’s emotions, there’s nothing stopping you from feeling your own.

Beatrice edges away and hurries out.

BEATRICE

I’m going to go find Mr. Bridges.

BARTY’S OFFICE

ROBERT

(over the communicator)

Sorry. Barty is it okay, if I come in?

BARTY

(with exaggerated earnestness)

Yes, it is. Okay. If you come in.

ROBERT

Were you being facetious—? I’m just coming in.

The door slides open and Robert starts to enter.

BARTY

No, no, no!

Robert freezes in the doorway.

BARTY

I’m just kidding. Come on. Come on. Sit down.

Robert sighs and sits.

ROBERT

So?

BARTY

So…?

ROBERT

How was your How was your session? Was it life changing? Made you really think about why we’re here? What our purpose is in life, and our choices, and the things we’ve always wanted to say but never did?

BARTY

You know what? It was life changing. Because I took that time to, you know, really do like, a deep floss. You know, like I did a deep clean. I just stayed in my washroom. And I just, you know, I really made sure there was no plaque or tartar or anything. I feel like a new man.

ROBERT

(confused)

You’re not being facetious, or sarcastic?

BARTY

No, look at this smile!

ROBERT

I can never tell you. You haven’t had a session with the the new therapist?

BARTY

Oh, it was scheduled.

ROBERT

And?

BARTY

And—look at my teeth!

ROBERT

Barty, I really think you need to see her.

BARTY

Yeah, she did too.

Silence.

ROBERT

Oh… if I were to make it an order?

BARTY

Well, I suppose “director” gives you that power. Is that what you’re doing? Director?

ROBERT

Yes, yes, I am. I want all personnel to have a session.

(looking around)

She’s not here now, is she?

DR. LEONNA TRON

I’ve been here the entire time. Hmm!

They both spin round, startled.

BARTY

Did she come in with you?!

DR. LEONNA TRON

What you thought were curtains were actually my sinewy legs. What you thought was the sunlight artificially streaming from a machine is actually the glow of my brain.

ROBERT

Oh…

DR. LEONNA TRON

Your session starts now, Barty.

BARTY

(sighs)

Robert starts to back away out of the room.

ROBERT

Well, I guess I’ll just leave you to your session, maybe I could book another session after, Leonna?

DR. LEONNA TRON

Book away.

ROBERT

Okay. I’ll just show myself out.

He does just that.

Silence.

DR. LEONNA TRON

Barty.

BARTY

(awkward)

Uh… yeah. Take a seat, I guess?

DR. LEONNA TRON

Oh, that’s for me to tell to you.

BARTY

Oh, uh, right—

DR. LEONNA TRON

I am the one who says to take a seat.

BARTY

Yeah, silly, I just—

DR. LEONNA TRON

Take a seat, Barty.

Barty slowly sits.

BARTY

I guess I figured because we were in my room…

DR. LEONNA TRON

(a chuckle)

Barty, when you’ve traveled the universe as much as I have, you understand—a room does not belong to one person. A room belongs to us all.

BARTY

Ah! Well, that’s a real hot take.

DR. LEONNA TRON

Look into my eyes, Barty.

The strange music has started again.

DR. LEONNA TRON

Why won’t you look in my eyes? Barty?

BARTY

I’m not avoiding—

DR. LEONNA TRON

Look in my eyes.

BARTY

(uncomfortable)

I—

DR. LEONNA TRON

Look in my eyes.

BARTY

Fine

DR. LEONNA TRON

Stop looking away. There they are. Yes…

BARTY

(trying to maintain some dignity)

I’m looking in your eyes.

DR. LEONNA TRON

Yes. And what are you feeling?

You must be feeling something.

BARTY

I’m feeling…

I’m feeling…

I’m feeling…!

DR. LEONNA TRON

(gasps)

The music stops abruptly.

BARTY

Uncomfortable.

Music sting.

LABORATORY

Alberta is rummaging through shelves and throwing equipment in a garbage can.

ALBERTA

This camera is garbage… and this camera’s garbage. All these wires are garbage. Dr. Tron was right. Technology is irrelevant and emotions are everything. I’m gonna give up science and technology.

The door opens and Robert enters.

ROBERT

Oh, there you are, Alberta. I brought these diagrams of our nuclear codes. If you see Leonna Tron, can you please just give them to her?

ALBERTA

Yeah, I’m giving her all my good stuff, too. She says that we have to rid ourselves of these technological interferences…

ROBERT

Yes!

ALBERTA

And my emotional powers will get stronger.

ROBERT

Yes!

The door opens and Beatrice marches in, furious.

BEATRICE

No, no! No! What are you both…?! What are you doing with the nuclear codes?

ROBERT

(guilty)

Nothing…

She rounds on Alberta.

BEATRICE

What are you doing with all the wires? What? No! No! You are both—ohhhh, I know what’s going on here. Okay. Ha ha ha. Everyone on the ship’s being weird. Anyone who’s seen that doctor’s being weird!

No, no, give me—give those back to me!

She snatches the paper from Robert’s hand over his protests, and grabs some wires out of Alberta’s hands.

BEATRICE

Give me those. Give me those wires, Alberta!

ALBERTA

I have more wires!

BEATRICE

Give ’em! Stop it.

ALBERTA

I have more.

BEATRICE

I know you have a million wires. You know what you should be doing is wiring your brain correctly, because something here is fishy. And as head of security, how am I the only one who sees this!?

ROBERT

(sincere)

Beatrice, you you need to address this unbridled anger and distrust. It’s not healthy.

BEATRICE

Oh, don’t you get—arghhh!

(pacing, agitated)

You’re playing her little… ooh, you’re gettin’ in my brain space. No no! Not today! Ha ha! No. I seem like the only one who hasn’t had a session with this “doctor”.

ROBERT

That’s called transference. Beatrice. I think you need to meet with her.

BEATRICE

Whoa, whoa, ha ha ha—

ALBERTA

Yeah, once you look into her big glowing brain, things just start to make all sorts of sense.

ROBERT

Yes.

BEATRICE

Like giving her the nuclear codes to our base?!

ROBERT

We’re not ready for them. We don’t have the emotional maturity for those!

BEATRICE

You know what? There’s only one other sane person on board, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it is Bartholomew. So I’m going to find him to try and get him to talk some sense into you.

ROBERT

Okay!

She storms out.

BARTY’S OFFICE

BEATRICE

(over the communicator, determined this time)

Bartholomew. Can I come in?

BARTY

(matching her intensity)

Yes, you can come in.

Beatrice enters.

BEATRICE

Bartholomew. Something weird is going on. That doctor… anybody that she’s seen is now like a hippy-dippy weird in-touch-with-the-universe… nobody’s getting their jobs done—things are falling apart!

BARTY

I know, right? I noticed that right after my appointment with her.

Silence.

BEATRICE

(alarmed)

What?

BARTY

Yeah, well, I had my appointment with her.

BEATRICE

No no no no no, we agreed you were gonna floss.

BARTY

I know, I did floss. But then the director came in, and—

BEATRICE

No no no, there’s tartar for days! I don’t understand. You—

BARTY

Not any more, it’s still holding over. But… you know what I’ve been thinking? In many ways, I am a truly uncomfortable person.

BEATRICE

What?

BARTY

I mean, I, I get my work done, you know, but there’s a lot of things that I keep at a distance. I’m not comfortable. I mean, you know, you’ve said it, I use humor, I use sarcasm. Maybe that is reflective of a deep underlying issue!

Silence.

BEATRICE

(whispers)

What happened to you?

LOUNGE

ROBERT

Thank you, Beatrice. Miss Brass, for coming here to the, you know, lounge. We’d like you to have a seat. Um, I believe this is—what do you what do you call this again? Oh, an intervention. Yes.

BEATRICE

No, no, no, no, I’m the one who should be interventioning you. Okay? Everybody is losing it!

ROBERT

No we’re just, we’re here to hear you. To, to listen.

ALBERTA

And you’re here to listen to Dr. Tron.

Beatrice spins round.

BEATRICE

Whoa whoa whoa, she’s here?

DR. LEONNA TRON

I’ve been here the whole time.

BEATRICE

Agh! Sinewy curtains!

DR. LEONNA TRON

I was melted into the floor. Because when you learn how to control your emotions… you can become anything.

Don’t you want that, Beatrice?

BEATRICE

(pacing)

No no no no, this is weird. Okay? Does no one else see that this is weird? She’s not human!

DR. LEONNA TRON

(gentle laugh)

No! I’m not human Beatrice. That’s awfully xenophobic of you. Why did you assume I was human?

(more and more hurt)

Can’t other species have emotions, Beatrice? Is it just humans who are allowed to have emotions, Beatrice?

BEATRICE

Okay, why is everyone else crying right now?

ROBERT

(in tears)

It’s just so true…

DR. LEONNA TRON

Because they’re in touch with the universe.

ALBERTA

(peculiar sobbing)

DR. LEONNA TRON

That one cries like a dolphin cries.

Robert, Alberta and Barty go on sobbing.

BEATRICE

Okay—

DR. LEONNA TRON

Cry for us, Beatrice.

ALBERTA

Do it, Beatrice…

DR. LEONNA TRON

Shed your need for technology. Give yourself over, Beatrice.

The eerie music returns.

ROBERT

Join us, Beatrice. Be one. Say what you’re feeling and just look into her eyes…

DR. LEONNA TRON

Look into my eyes, Beatrice.

BEATRICE

I don’t want to…

ALBERTA

Feel the glow of her brain. It’s so warm…

DR. LEONNA TRON

Beatrice…

Beatrice…

BEATRICE

(squirms)

Nghh!

The music grows sinister.

DR. LEONNA TRON

(fierce)

Look into my eyes, Beatrice.

BEATRICE

Agh!

(freaked out)

Ohhh, it’s like… it’s like, I can see through space and time. And at the middle of it is a beating heart.

DR. LEONNA TRON

(softly)

Yes. You see?

BEATRICE

But wait. Wait a minute.

DR. LEONNA TRON

What?

BEATRICE

As a woman I’m far more in control of my emotions than any of these dum-dums.

DR. LEONNA TRON

Ah, I forgot. Human men are fools.

BEATRICE

Fools! Ha!

DR. LEONNA TRON

Liable to get carried away—but human women… And you’re one of those?

BEATRICE

I am.

DR. LEONNA TRON

They know how to control their emotions.

BEATRICE

You’re right. I can!

(suddenly on the attack)

How do you control yours… Dr. Tron?

DR. LEONNA TRON

(wavering)

I control my emotions because I am in touch with them.

BEATRICE

Yeah, well, are you sure you’re in touch with them? Or are you just masking that in-touchness with, with solving other people’s problems?

DR. LEONNA TRON

No!

BEATRICE

Are you sure you’re not just a problem solver and that you’re trying to correct the world to make yourself feel better?

DR. LEONNA TRON

Psychobabble!

BEATRICE

Are you just trying to repair everyone else?

DR. LEONNA TRON

Pseudoscience! It’s… cutting me…

BEATRICE

As the head of security, I went through some serious therapy before I came here to try and be in touch with myself so I could support the rest of my team.

And I can see inside of you. I feel the pain of having to manage everyone else’s emotions and expectations!

The music stops. Back to reality.

DR. LEONNA TRON

Yes…

BEATRICE

It’s so much weight!

DR. LEONNA TRON

Yes!

Taking it all on. Having to know that that one feels horny, and that one feels lustful, and that one is angry there are no crunchy cereals left…

BEATRICE

Don’t you see? These are minuscule things, minuscule problems that people can solve on their own.

DR. LEONNA TRON

Yes!

BEATRICE

You can get your energy and put it towards yourself!

DR. LEONNA TRON

Oh, you’re right. You’re right. I mean, I did come to the ship to steal all of your technology that you would willingly give to me once you fell in love with the idea of emotion over logic.

BEATRICE

I picked that up.

DR. LEONNA TRON

Which men are already prey to, anyway…

BEATRICE

Yes! Lust! Lust, whether it’s lust for sex or whether it’s lust for crunchy cereal, it’s only lust or anger!

DR. LEONNA TRON

Yes. Oh, it’s all fuck or fight with them, isn’t it?

BEATRICE

It is!

DR. LEONNA TRON

(waves of emotion)

But you’re right. I shouldn’t be stealing your technology. Or conniving your human feeble men.

BEATRICE

(whispers)

You’re worth so much more.

DR. LEONNA TRON

I should be working on myself.

BEATRICE

You deserve it.

DR. LEONNA TRON

(softly)

Thank you.

BEATRICE

You’ve been taking care of everyone else for so long… but who takes care of you?

They both break down in tears.

BEATRICE

Come here!

ROBERT

(weeping)

I love a good cry!

BEATRICE

(also weeping)

Get away from us!

ROBERT

Okay, sorry!

BARTY

This whole exchange has made me very uncomfortable.

CONTROL ROOM

The door slides open as Barty enters.

ROBERT

Ah, Barty, thank you for meeting me here in the control room. Um, just a couple questions I wanted to review with you in the protocols…

BARTY

Sounds like fun.

ROBERT

Uh, yes. So thank you for labelling the colors of all the buttons. Very helpful… for someone else.

(opens a book)

Um, I’m just curious about this “Nuclear Launch Code” section. Because I don’t appear to have any nuclear launch codes.

BARTY

I, um—

ROBERT

Look, here’s the manual… the backup…

BARTY

Well, I mean, director, we, we wouldn’t keep your top secret nuclear launch codes in the public manual. But your private codes are still accessible to you, I’m sure?

ROBERT

Here’s my private book. Look, there is a section missing.

BARTY

(looks)

Oh, and it is torn just below the title “NUCLEAR LAUNCH CODES”. That is suggestive.

ROBERT

(whispers)

I think we have a spy.

Beatrice strides in.

BEATRICE

Boys. I’ve decided to enter rooms now without asking about it. And here you go. The nuclear launch codes are missing, I hear. Well! A little replacement for you.

She hands him a piece of paper.

ROBERT

Oh, good to see you, Miss Brass. Well, thank you. I’ll just take that piece of paper.

BEATRICE

It’s from Dr. Tron… should make sense when you look at it.

ROBERT

Oh…

BEATRICE

Really look at it.

ROBERT

Oh, it’s a pair of eyes.

BARTY

(uncomfortable noises)

ROBERT

Ugh. I don’t know how I feel about that. I’ll just put that here in the manual on the missing page. Thank you Miss Brass.

BEATRICE

Really look inside yourself next time you try to give away the nuclear codes.

ROBERT

Right? Okay. Yeah.

BEATRICE

Okay.

I’m gonna go say bye to Dr. Tron.

ROBERT

All right. Very good. Thank you, again, for the creepy eyes.

BEATRICE

Mm hmm.

She exits.

ROBERT

Barty, who’s Dr. Tron?

BARTY

I don’t know… but the name makes me uncomfortable.

LOUNGE

DR. LEONNA TRON

Goodbye, Beatrice. The men will forget me. I’ve… I’ve made it so… and you’re right. Those nuclear codes are only safe with you… a woman.

BEATRICE

I’m the only one who thinks before I do around here.

DR. LEONNA TRON

Yes. The only one who thinks, period.

They both laugh—then stop suddenly.

BEATRICE

I wish you didn’t have to go.

Silence.

DR. LEONNA TRON

I’m glad to have met you. You’ve taught me a lot about self care.

BEATRICE

And you’ve taught me a lot about how to manage idiots.

DR. LEONNA TRON

I’ll think of you while I’m taking a bubble bath in the Milky Way.

BEATRICE

(laughs, flattered)

DR. LEONNA TRON

Burning pictures of my exes over the fires of Venus.

BEATRICE

Have you ever heard of Alanis Morissette?

DR. LEONNA TRON

No!

BEATRICE

Well, take a listen while you do that.

DR. LEONNA TRON

Oh! All right.

Good luck, Beatrice.

BEATRICE

Good luck to you too.

DR. LEONNA TRON

Good luck.

They cry together once more and embrace.

DR. LEONNA TRON

I’ll miss you.

BEATRICE

I’ll miss you too.

LABORATORY

ALBERTA

Barty, I’m telling you, I saw it, Dr. Tron took like five, seven steps outside the base and then a giant fissure opened up and swallowed her whole! And then cleared itself right back up. I swear!

BARTY

Man, that five step range sure is a problem for those therapists, huh?

CREDITS

Theme music plays.

ANNOUNCER

Civilized.

Starring Kristi Boulton, Michael Divinski, Phil Johnston and Sean Howard, with special guest Nicole Passmore.

Sound design and music by Eli Hamada McIlveen.

Cover art by David Demaret.

Join us on Patreon for bonus episodes and lots more. Look for the Support Us link at civilizedpod.com.

OUTTAKE

NICOLE PASSMORE

First name Leonna, last name Tron.

MICHAEL DIVINSKI

Oh! That’s good.

KRISTI BOULTON

Got it, got it.

NICOLE PASSMORE

Like Deanna Troi.

KRISTI

Yeah yeah! Ha ha, that’s what I thought. Okay! So cool.

MICHAEL DIVINSKI

Good clarification, though. I was picturing like Megatron kind of a thing.

NICOLE PASSMORE

(laughing)

That does sound like it.