Forgotten Echoes: Games

Beatrix, Bob and Bartholomew bond over board games.

Presenting our first remote-recorded episode! Our cast have been stuffing themselves into attics, closets and lean-tos made of mattresses, and we’re getting the hang of improv online. Even more excitingly, we’ve just had our first remote session with a special guest, and we can’t wait to bring you those episodes. Remote or not, it’s good to be back!

Starring Kristi Boulton, Michael Divinski, Phil Johnston and Sean Howard.
Sound design: Eli McIlveen
Cover art: David Demaret
Announcers: Marisa King and Michael Howie

Content warning: arguing, unsanitary habits, implied threats.

AL

Oh hey! It’s me, Al! Sorry, I was just going through some old memories—my “forgotten echoes”. I gotta clear out my memory banks every so often, otherwise I start to go a little loopy and I can’t remember anything.

Music sting.

KITCHEN

Something is frying on the stove. Bob hums to himself as he cooks.

The door opens and Barty walks in.

BOB

Oh, hi, Barty.

BARTHOLOMEW

Hey, Bob. Uh, I don’t want to keep harping on about this, it feels like I’ve been saying this a lot, but I do prefer “Bartholomew”.

BOB

Yeah, I know.

The kitchen door opens again and Beatrix walks in carrying a box, which rattles.

BEATRIX

Gentlemen, I heard your stoic silence from the hallway and I wanted to interrupt it with this thing that I found! I believe it’s called a board game. It says, um, “MO-NO-PO-LY” on the front. So I dunno, I thought maybe we could have a bonding experience and we could play together! There’s lots of pieces.

BOB

I guess couldn’t hurt anything, could it, Barty?

BARTHOLOMEW

(exhales)

Bartholomew. Um, I don’t know, Beatrix.

BEATRIX

Aw!

BARTHOLOMEW

I’ve played that game before. In fact… we all have.

BEATRIX

No! I don’t have any recollection of that whatsoever! In fact, Bartholomew, you’ve played it before. You can explain the rules to me because they just don’t make that much sense.

Music sting.

FLASHBACK: THE HUT

Birds sing in the distance. Bartholomew is shuffling paper money.

BARTHOLOMEW

I don’t want to take away anyone else’s choice and I’m willing to reconsider, but I would very much like to be the horse and rider icon.

The door opens and Bob enters.

BOB

(grim)

Are you two still playing that game?

BEATRIX

I mean, yeah, it’s it’s the really the only game that we have access to, Bob.

BARTHOLOMEW

It has a monopoly on our board game playing.

BEATRIX

Yeah, I would like to continue to be the thimble, please? I really enjoy the thimble.

BARTHOLOMEW

Okay, well, Bob, if you’d like to join us, we’re starting the best of 15 match now, but you could come in from behind, maybe.

BEATRIX

Yeah, I’m sure this game will only make our friendship and bond stronger!

BARTHOLOMEW

That’s what I’ve heard about it. It says that on the box.

BOB

What makes you think that after 14 times of saying I don’t want to play, that now suddenly I want to play on the 15th?

BEATRIX

I dunno, I thought maybe you’d stop being so, you know, up your own butt you’d actually sit down with us and play for once.

BOB

Oh, fine. You want me to be less up my own butt? Fine! Okay, I’ll just stop keeping a lookout for the creature that’s gonna kill us all and I’ll just come sit here. Here, what am I—oh look, I’m a dog.

BEATRIX

Okay! All right! Now you have to play. You’ve got a piece on the board. So you know, it’s Jumanji rules.

Bob rolls and moves.

BOB

I’m landing on Park Place. What’s that mean?

BEATRIX

That means you went backwards.

BOB

Fine. I’ll go the other direction. I’m on Connecticut Ave. What’s that mean?

BARTHOLOMEW

Well, you have the option to make a purchase if you’d like. And then it’s your property and you can negotiate with it as you please.

BOB

Wait. If I own the property, does that mean no one else can come on the property?

BARTHOLOMEW

Well, I mean, we can come and visit. We’d be happy to pay you some rent if we were to do that.

Bob starts hunting through the pieces in the box.

BOB

No. No, no, I want to barricade it. Where’s…? This is it? Where’s, like—there’s no barbed wire in this game? How am I supposed to protect the property if I buy it?

BEATRIX

You buy a bunch of houses that make us pay more money to come see you, which dissuades us from wanting to come see you. I mean, why wouldn’t anyone want to come see you right now? But, you know.

Silence.

BEATRIX

The purpose of the game, Bob, is to get as many of these properties as you can, so that you feel this void inside of yourself fulfilled by, you know, having more things, because apparently it’s very lonely to only be alone on your one little block that you’ve barricaded up so you can’t go outside and you can’t feel comfortable going even down to the river.

(uncomfortable laugh)

I mean, this is not mimicking real life or anything, ha ha.

BOB

Who in their right mind would buy more than one place, when we can’t even protect one place?!

BEATRIX

Bartholomew, I think it’s your turn.

Bartholomew rolls and moves.

BARTHOLOMEW

Uh, yeah. Oh, hey! I’m on Connecticut. Um—

BOB

I shoot you. Look, I’m knocking your piece over.

BEATRIX

No! That’s not—aaa!

BARTHOLOMEW

No, you’re… I think you’re playing Risk. Look, maybe we can work together, right? Like okay, maybe instead, I… oh, I didn’t land on Connecticut, I landed on Vermont.

BEATRIX

No, but that’s cheating!

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah, but it’s a teachable moment. So, you know, now I have Vermont and you have Connecticut, maybe we could trade!

BOB

Why would I want to do that? You stay on your side and I’ll stay on my side. Look there’s a line right here between the two.

BEATRIX

Bartholomew, maybe you and I should just invest in a property together and let Bob have his moment.

I mean, not that I want to you know, have a—a property with you.

(awkward laughter)

BARTHOLOMEW

I mean, that’d be a lot of time together.

BEATRIX

Yeah, it would be a lot of… it would be a lot of time togeth—ha ha.

BOB

Do you guys need to be alone for a moment?

BEATRIX

I mean… is that an option?

BOB

Fine. I’ll be outside. And I am never playing board games ever again.

He stomps out.

BEATRIX

Fine with me!

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah, we’re gonna share Connecticut anyway.

BEATRIX

(laughs)

THE KITCHEN, A DIFFERENT DAY

Bob is cooking as the door opens and Bartholomew and Beatrix enter.

BARTHOLOMEW

Hey, Bob. Um… We’re playing Monopoly.

BEATRIX

I hear it’s a great game that brings people together! I thought it would be a really fun idea to have us all sit down and get to know each other a little better!

BOB

Yeah. Okay.

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah?

BOB

Yeah, let me just turn the stove off. Okay. It’ll be fine. Cool!

BARTHOLOMEW

And you’re going to participate in the joy of the experience?

BOB

Well, okay. If it’s a game, yeah, why wouldn’t I?

BEATRIX

I’m really interested to see how you two participate in an activity where we have to work together! I think it’ll be a really eye-opening experience that I look forward to very much.

BARTHOLOMEW

Yeah. Great. Okay.

BOB

Okay.

BARTHOLOMEW

So long as we’re all in this to have some fun.

BEATRIX

Well, why else would we be into it?

(chuckles)

BOB

Yeah, Barty.

BARTHOLOMEW

Okay? Yup, you’re right. I just know that this game can bring out certain sides of people.

BEATRIX

What kind of… what?

BOB

Barty, it’s like you have some weird agenda going on here or something.

BARTHOLOMEW

I… well! Ha ha. Isn’t that just rich, you saying that I might have a weird agenda? I play this game in a perfectly acceptable manner.

BOB

Right, no, sorry. Okay.

Beatrix is playing with the pieces.

BEATRIX

I like this thing that fits on my finger.

BOB

That’s…

BEATRIX

It tastes like metal.

BOB

It’s a thimble. It’s a piece. Don’t—don’t eat it, Beatrix. It’s a playing piece.

BEATRIX

(spits it out)

Pleh.

BOB

Okay. Why don’t we just pick it up off the floor, Beatrix, and let’s put it here on the table.

BEATRIX

Oh! All right.

BOB

Cool.

BARTHOLOMEW

All right. I’ll be horse and rider. I’ll go first and… oh! Looks like I landed on Connecticut.

BEATRIX

Oh! That seems like a nice property.

BARTHOLOMEW

I’m… I’m going to purchase it.

Silence.

BOB

Okay. Why are you staring at us? Just purchase it.

BEATRIX

Yeah! Just buy it.

BARTHOLOMEW

I’m going to purchase it and then it’ll belong to me. I hope that doesn’t threaten either of you.

BOB

(laughs)

BEATRIX

You seem like you are really, um, I don’t know, invested in having this—aha! “Invested”. Because it’s an investment! Oooh, I get it. That’s why Bartholomew likes it. Double entendres!

BOB

Uh, Beatrix, where’s your piece? Beatrix? Open your mouth.

BEATRIX

(quietly)

No.

BOB

Beatrix.

BEATRIX

(mouth full)

It tastes like pennies.

BOB

(sighs)

BEATRIX

Pleh!

BOB

Beatrix, it’s your roll, so you need to put the piece down so you can roll the die.

BEATRIX

Oh, I already put another piece down. I’m just having this one in my mouth now. I like the top hat. I roll…

BOB

Okay.

BEATRIX

Oh, I’m on Connecticut too!

BARTHOLOMEW

Oh! Well, I mean, it’s already mine. Um…

BEATRIX

Well, what about this? What if I invest alongside you and we can own the property together? Wouldn’t that be cute?

BOB

No, that’s… that’s not how the game works, guys. You pay rent, so you have to now pay rent to your landlord, Beatrix. You have to pay him.

BARTHOLOMEW

Well, hang on, Bob. Beatrix, you want to own a property together with me?

BEATRIX

Well, yeah! In the spirit of the game, wouldn’t it be nice if we could just own a property together? We could pretend to be, you know, like we’re a real estate mogul couple who’s going around the board purchasing all of these places together. I think that would be really cute! I dunno, it might be kind of fun.

BARTHOLOMEW

I think that would be nice. And that is absolutely permitted. Let me just fold up the rules and put them in my back pocket—

BOB

No—guys! There are rules to this game! There are rules that we need to follow here, okay? So let’s just follow the rules. Beatrix, you need to pay to the fine gentleman landlord.

BEATRIX

(mouth full)

I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. The dog also tastes like pennies.

BARTHOLOMEW

This is the Enhanced Edition of the game, Bob…

BOB

Oh, is it?

BARTHOLOMEW

In these rules that I folded up and put away so that no one else can see them, it says that, uh, sharing property is permitted on… Connecticut.

BOB

Does it.

BEATRIX

Pleh.

BOB

Oh! Let me just take this pistol here and set it on the table. And why don’t we all just play nice, huh?

He slams a gun on the table.

BARTHOLOMEW

You want to use a pistol as your gaming piece?

Silence.

BEATRIX

Can I put that in my mouth?

BOB

NO!

CREDITS

Theme music plays.

ANNOUNCER

Civilized.

Starring Kristi Boulton, Michael Divinski, Phil Johnston and Sean Howard.

Sound design and music by Eli McIlveen.

Cover art by David Demaret.

Join us on Patreon for bonus episodes and lots more. Look for the Support Us link at civilizedpod.com.

OUTTAKE

SEAN HOWARD (BOB)

No, you can’t put it in your mouth!

KRISTI BOULTON

Scene.

(laughs)

SEAN HOWARD

Scene!

(laughs)

Whooo! We did it!

Music sting.

ANNOUNCER

A Fable and Folly production.