Bob seeks out Beatrix – and Barty meets a new friend.
This episode is brought to you by Singularity’s Children, Book One: Denial by Toby Weston!
Our recommended listening this week is the audio fiction podcast Six Cold Feet.
Starring Kristi Boulton, Michael Divinski, Phil Johnston and Sean Howard.
Sound design: Eli McIlveen
Cover art: David Demaret
Announcers: Marisa King and Michael Howie
Find and support our sponsors at fableandfolly.com/partners.
Content warning: panic, claustrophobia, despair and jump scares.
ANNOUNCEMENTS
Music sting.
SEAN
Hey everyone! Sean here. I play Bob on the show, and I’m one of the co-creators as well. And I’m super excited to announce that we have our first sponsor. It’s a super awesome book about a young man and an intelligent—I think they’re all intelligent—talking dolphin through technology. And it’s about striking back, it’s about finding our voice, it’s about helping animals—it’s just an amazing sci-fi book. It’s by Toby Weston, and it’s called Singularity’s Children. The author, Toby Weston, is a software developer turned sci-fi author, and I just love the book because I’m a geek, and it doesn’t do any of that sill stuff where you have sci-fi authors writing a book about computers that don’t get it. And yet it’s about this amazing relationship And it’s about a young group of teenagers who are fighting back against the system and helping animals like I already said. Anyways, you can tell I love it. I really enjoyed it, and you can find it by going to civilizedpod.com/weston.
And now, on with the show.
Theme music plays.
NARRATOR
Humanity’s last hope to find and settle a new world. A small terraforming fleet sets out to prepare a lifeless planet for the colony ships sure to follow in their wake.
ANNOUNCER
Civilized.
BARTHOLOMEW
The echoey interior of a pod.
BARTHOLOMEW
(yawns and stretches, then)
Ugh.
An abrupt beep.
ELECTRONIC VOICE
(young, excitable, confused)
Excuse me?
BARTHOLOMEW
(startles)
Wugh!
C-Captain?
ELECTRONIC VOICE
Captain who? N-no? I mean, maybe? I mean, probably not, realistically, but… Hello!
BARTHOLOMEW
Captain, you sound different.
ELECTRONIC VOICE
Uh… I can make my voice lower or higher if that is how you want me to sound? I just want to—I’m just—I’m just here to help.
The pod opens—a subtly different sound than we’ve heard before. The hum outside is different too. Bartholomew steps out.
BARTHOLOMEW
Uh… Captain, my pod is different.
ELECTRONIC VOICE
Oh, these pods are true to the original model. They’re—everything is up to… up to old date. The date.
BARTHOLOMEW
Sorry, which date?
Rapid beeping.
ELECTRONIC VOICE
Um, I don’t—I had to turn off a lot of my memory processors over time to keep everything running, so I can’t remember a lot of specific things, but it’s been a while.
BARTHOLOMEW
It is true.
Um… My name is Bartholomew.
ELECTRONIC VOICE
Hi, Bartholomew!
A long pause.
BARTHOLOMEW
And you are…?
ELECTRONIC VOICE
Uh… hmm. No one’s really… no one’s really talked to me in a pretty long time. So you can—you can just call me, um…. Bartholomew! That’s a great name, I’ve heard.
BARTHOLOMEW
(taken aback)
I’m very partial to it. It might get confusing. You know, I say “Hey, Bartholomew” and then—
ELECTRONIC VOICE
I say, “Hey, Bartholomew!”
BARTHOLOMEW
I guess that would work. But suppose there were a third person and they say, “Hey, Bartholomew,” then—
ELECTRONIC VOICE
A third person?!
BARTHOLOMEW
Well, it’s just a hypothetical—
ELECTRONIC VOICE
There’s more of you? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
BOB
A soft whirring sound. Bob’s voice echoes inside the helmet of the powered suit.
BOB
(yawns and stretches)
What—what? Oh my god, I’m in Suit.
He presses a button. The Suit chimes and begins to boot up.
SUIT
Hello, Bob. Nice to see you again.
BOB
Suit, did I just reiterate? Where’s everyone else?
SUIT
Everyone else? Bob, there is no one else.
BOB
What do you mean?
SUIT
Just kidding. Ha ha ha ha.
BOB
(sighs)
Suit what are your power levels at?
An unhappy beep.
SUIT
Very low.
BOB
Okay. Start conserving power. Disable everything not necessary.
SUIT
All right. I will disable. But just so you know, humour takes next to no power.
The whir of the fans slows to a stop.
BOB
How did I know you were gonna say that?
Okay—wait. Why have the air handlers turned off in the suit? Suit, I need air. I need oxygen.
SUIT
Oxygen has been disengaged.
BOB
Open this—open. Open. Un… unlatch. Open.
SUIT
All right. But it makes me sad that you want to leave so soon.
BOB
I have to breathe, Suit.
SUIT
Why don’t I just open the helmet?
BOB
Great. Just open the helmet, Suit.
SUIT
Opening.
The helmet opens with a hiss and a whir.
SUIT
There is oxygen. Feel better?
BOB
Yes, I feel—thank you, Suit.
Uh… I guess I’m the only one left, then.
SUIT
Well, you’re the only one left here. Beatrix is not far from your position.
BOB
What? Why didn’t you open with that?!
BARTHOLOMEW
BARTHOLOMEW
Okay. So I was just told, in my files, that if Ship vanished, there might be a, quote, “alternative solution”.
ELECTRONIC VOICE
That sounds exactly like what I am.
BARTHOLOMEW
Yeah, well, that’s exactly what I was thinking, Bartholomew!
ELECTRONIC VOICE
That sounds so familiar. “Alternative solution”.
More beeping as the computer searches his memory.
ELECTRONIC VOICE
My name is Al. That’s what you can call me. Okay. Yes.
BARTHOLOMEW
I can call you Al.
AL
And I can help you.
BARTHOLOMEW
Okay. Well, that’s great, because I was told “alternative solution” and you’d be filled in from there. So. Lay it on me, Al! What have we got? Give me all the details.
AL
Well… we know that I’m Al and we know that you’re Bartholomew. And this is, uh, an underground bunker.
BARTHOLOMEW
Okay. Hey! That’s something. I didn’t know that!
Wait, underground?
AL
Yes.
BARTHOLOMEW
Underground.
AL
Yes. My prime directive is to hold and contain and then support any new arrivals.
BARTHOLOMEW
Sorry, “contained”? W-we can’t leave underground?
AL
You shouldn’t leave underground. Upworld is apparently, uh, very bad.
Bartholomew begins to pace.
BARTHOLOMEW
(rapidly)
See, one thing that didn’t come up much on Ship because there were the big wide windows and you could see out everywhere and there was landscape and trees and big open sky, is that I’m a little bit claustrophobic. Just a little bit claustrophobic. Just a little, just a little panicky, not that I’m panicking, I’m not saying that I’m panicking. I’m not saying that I’m not panicking. Al, I’m panicking.
AL
I could revert some of the energy I’ve got into lighting up other passages for you to wander through. It goes on and on and on and on and on and on.
BARTHOLOMEW
(dazed)
On and… on and on and… on and on…
(inhales)
Okay, see, one of the things that didn’t come up on Ship much because it really was a-a-a contained space is that I’m a little bit agoraphobic.
BOB
Bob walks through the woods.
SUIT
Bob, we are approaching Beatrix’s location. She seems to be at suboptimal health levels.
BOB
It’s so weird hearing you talk out of the helmet. Which is quite heavy, I have to say.
SUIT
Well, I appreciate you carrying me around.
BOB
Okay, how close am I? Can you like, beep or something as I get closer or…?
SUIT
Sure I can beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Is this what you wanted? Beep beep beep beep. I can even add more notes. Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep—
BOB
Suit. I want you to beep louder or more often the closer I get to her. And maybe slower and less often when I move away from her.
SUIT
Okay, cowboy. So many demands!
BOB
(mutters)
Son of a… I tell ya, this suit…
SUIT
What was that?
BOB
Nothing. Just… beautiful out here today.
Look, I need to find Beatrix.
SUIT
All right, let me beep for you. But I’m doing it because I want to.
BOB
Great.
SUIT
Beep. Beep beep. Beep.
They walk on.
MIDROLL: SIX COLD FEET
Soothing electronic music.
AL
Hey! Hi, it’s me, Al!
I’m everywhere and I see everything and hear everything. And we want to tell you about an amazing podcast: Six Cold Feet. It’s a mesmerising blend of mystery drama and musicology. A full-cast, beautifully told audio fiction series written by J.M. Donaldson. Season 1 will have you on the edge of your seat, and in Season 2, you’ll become entranced with the mysterious star and musician Juliet Knives.
Find out more at sixcoldfeet.com, or search for Six Cold Feet, anywhere you listen to podcasts.
Now I’m gonna go figure out what a knife is, and what it’s for!
BARTHOLOMEW
BARTHOLOMEW
Okay, that’s it. I just—this is a lot. I’m going to stay in my pod and just never come out… forever. If that’s cool.
Bartholomew punches a button and his pod slides open again. He steps inside.
AL
Wait! Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. Don’t. Stop. No, stop going in there. Come out. No. Don’t do that. Hey. I do not have any physical way of stopping you but I’m… I’m very sad.
BARTHOLOMEW
…Your morale is low?
BOB
Bob walks on through the woods.
SUIT
Beep. Beep beep beep. Beep beep beep. Beep beep. Approaching Beatrix’s location.
BOB
Beatrix!
BEATRIX
(groans)
BOB
Let me put this helmet down.
BEATRIX
…Bob?
SUIT
Beep beep.
BOB
Beatrix.
BEATRIX
Oh my god! Bob. Oh!
BOB
What are you doing on a divan in the middle of the forest?
BEATRIX
A what?
BOB
I don’t know—what is this, a sofa?
BEATRIX
Well, yeah, it’s the one we built for the house.
BOB
Oh.
BEATRIX
I didn’t have a lot of energy. I’m still recovering from, you know, that explosion that you aimed at me.
BOB
I’m sorry. I said I’m sorry about that. Look, where’s the alien? I brought my rifle.
BEATRIX
She sort of left. She said “Friend?”… touched me… and then vanished into a pile of goo.
BOB
Okay, but then where’s Barty?
Silence.
BOB
Beatrix?
No.
BEATRIX
Barty didn’t make it.
BOB
Beatrix… there’s no pods. There was just Suit, and it only had enough power for me.
BEATRIX
I know.
BARTHOLOMEW
Bartholomew is still in his pod.
BARTHOLOMEW
No, no, Al, I’m sorry. Me going into the pod wasn’t a reflection of you or our relationship. I was just overwhelmed.
AL
I’ve been laying dormant for quite a long time and my only, only programmed operations is to help anyone who’s here. So you’re here, I have to help you. If you go back in the pod, I can’t see you anymore.
Bartholomew steps back out.
BARTHOLOMEW
Um… okay. Here. What if I just get out, I stay close to the pods… we can chat.
AL
That sounds amazing.
An awkward pause.
BARTHOLOMEW
Do you have any interests?
Al considers this for a few seconds.
AL
I like… long echoes?
BOB AND BEATRIX
Bob rummages in his pack.
BOB
Beatrix, I… I think the best thing to do is you just stay here. Here. Take this water. I’m going to run back to the rest of Suit and see if I can get the first aid kit.
BEATRIX
(weakly)
Okay. I don’t really have the urge to explore right now. I’ll wait here.
BOB
Beatrix, I… I’ll be back.
BEATRIX
(noncommittal)
Okay.
BOB
Don’t move. Don’t—don’t strain yourself any more.
BEATRIX
I don’t plan on it.
BOB
Here, keep the rifle.
BEATRIX
Okay.
BOB
(exhales)
All right. Think about your Special Place.
BEATRIX
I don’t have one of those any more.
Just go, Bob.
BOB
I’ll be back. You’re gonna be fine, Beatrix. It’s, um… It’s not that bad.
He stands and walks slowly away.
BARTHOLOMEW
BARTHOLOMEW
What did you want to be when you grew up?
AL
Well, I was programmed to not think of the future as much as to live in the moment, to make sure that I could accurately perform my duties. I don’t know when was the last time I got to perform any duties.
Do you know what it’s like to not have purpose?
BARTHOLOMEW
You know what, I think I do. See, it’s a long story. But we had this mission, right? And we… we had this terraforming to get done. And then it was like, “Oh yeah, you’re going to be supported by all these people coming!” and then then I did some digging and it’s like, “Oh, nope, nobody’s coming! But you can’t tell anybody, Bartholomew, even if it makes them hate you and resent you and think that you’re hiding something!” which you are, because obviously, you’re not telling them what’s going on, but it’s for their own good, but they won’t accept that it’s for their own good. And then they really just start to turn on you but then you know, you sort of get distracted, you start building a house with one of them and then it seems like there might be something there, and then you just sort of get blown up and now you’re down here talking to… well, you.
Um… my point is, I understand.
Whoo! Whooo! It felt good to get that off my chest.
AL
I bet it did.
Now I might just be an artificially intelligence programmed machine with a generic human personality put overtop, but I’m here for you! Okay? We can be, we could be friends!
BARTHOLOMEW
I’d like that. I mean, who knows what’s happened to my other friends? I—
A soft beeping sound. Bartholomew checks his wrist.
BARTHOLOMEW
Hang on. I’m getting a weak signal on my communicator.
BOB
BOB
Suit?
SUIT
Yes, Bob.
BOB
I couldn’t tell her. There’s no first aid kit.
SUIT
I wondered why you were lying.
BOB
Thank you for staying quiet.
SUIT
Well, having read Beatrix’s morale ratings… I’ve never seen her ratings so low.
BOB
And I have to complete the mission now. Alone.
SUIT
Are you saying you’re abandoning Beatrix?
BOB
I’m saying I’m doing what needs to be done.
SUIT
Well, well, Bob. It seems you have become more machine than man.
BOB
Someone has to.
CREDITS
Theme music plays.
ANNOUNCER
Civilized.
Starring Kristi Boulton, Michael Divinski, Phil Johnston and Sean Howard.
Sound design and music by Eli McIlveen.
Cover art by David Demaret.
Join us on Patreon for bonus episodes and lots more. Look for the Support Us link at civilizedpod.com.
TAG: THE BUNKER
BARTHOLOMEW
Um… Al?
Beep.
AL
Bartholomew!
BARTHOLOMEW
Got any eights?
AL
I have several thousand eights in my code?
BARTHOLOMEW
No, it’s… it’s the card game. If you don’t have it, you say “Go fish.”
AL
Go where?
BARTHOLOMEW
I used to play it with Beatrix. I… never mind.
Music sting.
ANNOUNCER
A Fable and Folly Production.