On the run from the ship, Beatrix has a plan. But everything depends on Bob – and the clock is ticking.
Starring Kristi Boulton, Michael Divinski, Mbula Enobong and Sean Howard.
Sound design: Eli McIlveen
Cover art: David Demaret
Announcers: Marisa King and Michael Howie
Find and support our sponsors at fableandfolly.com/partners.
Content warning: bodily harm; jump scares; murder? suicide? but definitely death.
Music sting.
KRISTI BOULTON AS BEATRIX
Oh! Hey, everybody! It’s Beatrix. What are you all doing outside my pod?
Oh well, anyway. I just wanted to come tell you about some of the amazing bonus content that we have coming out with Civilized soon. There’s a whole bunch of behind-the-scenes stuff that is going to be amazing, and you can hear out all about the zany antics that we get up to beyond the pod.
So please, come check us out on civilizedpod.com, and click the Support link. Because if you become one of our amazing patrons, then you get to see all of this stuff, and it’s awesome.
Okay, I’m gonna go into the woods. But thanks so much, guys! And I’ll see you in maybe the next iteration! Bye!
Theme music plays.
NARRATOR
Humanity’s last hope to find and settle a new world. A small terraforming fleet sets out to prepare a lifeless planet for the colony ships sure to follow in their wake.
ANNOUNCER
Civilized.
RUNNING
Night in the woods. Cricket-like creatures sing as Beatrix runs through headlong, panting and whimpering in fear.
Silence falls. She goes still, waiting tensely.
WORK SHIFT IS OVER
The kitchen. The door slides open as Barty enters.
BARTHOLOMEW
Bob.
BOB
(startled)
Buh! Oh! Hi, Bartholomew. I didn’t see you come in.
BARTHOLOMEW
Bob, it’s 40 minutes past 6.
BOB
What? What am I doing in the kitchen? Work shift is over!
He gathers his things.
BOB
Sorry, do you mind if we walk and talk? I don’t like to stay in the kitchen any longer than I have to. It’s actually really scary in here.
They head out down the corridor.
BARTHOLOMEW
Your work shift isn’t the only one that’s over. I expected Beatrix back 45 minutes ago.
BOB
Oh, that’s… is that unusual?
BARTHOLOMEW
Well, yes…
BOB
I figure, with all the scouting and climbing and swimming and digging…
CAPTAIN
(over loudspeakers)
Yeah. Well, I tried contacting her on the remote access watch, and she’s not responding.
The door to the main room opens as Bob and Bartholomew enter.
BOB
Hey, guys, can I—I know we brought it up, but… Can I get one of those watches?
CAPTAIN
We gave you one.
BOB
I know. I just need another one.
CAPTAIN
We only have so many. Why do you want another one?
BOB
I know. I won’t lose this one. I promise.
BARTHOLOMEW
You lost the other one?!
BOB
I mean, I won’t misplace and then find it later. I’m still gonna find it, Captain! I swear I…
CAPTAIN
Do you know how expensive those are?
BOB
Actually, no.
BARTHOLOMEW
Guys. Backburner. Beatrix is missing!
BOB
Oh, right. Yeah, that’s important. Okay, uh… oooh, ooh! We should do a search and rescue party.
BARTHOLOMEW
Well, I’m glad that you suggested that, Bob.
BOB
Why?
BARTHOLOMEW
I think you would be a fantastic search and rescue lead.
BOB
(laughing nervously)
Oh, no, no, no, wait, no no. I was like, I’m just an ideas man. You know, I’m just like, woo hoo! Good idea, right? Yeah?
CAPTAIN
Even better for you to actually walk the walk instead of just talking the talk.
BOB
Okay, but then I definitely need one of those wrist things.
CAPTAIN
How about you show me some initiative and then we can you know, negotiate something?
Silence.
BOB
Hey, Barty, no support? Like, come on! You’re going to send me out into the wild with no way to communicate with the ship?
BARTHOLOMEW
You know what? It’s not strictly speaking within protocol—
BOB
Oh! Idea? Idea. Sorry. I know you don’t like being interrupted, but… I’ll just borrow yours! Look—
BARTHOLOMEW
You can’t borrow mine.
BOB
Hey, how come yours looks different than everyone else’s?
BARTHOLOMEW
HR requires certain functions that that yours don’t.
BOB
Oh.
BARTHOLOMEW
It’s not strictly within protocol, Bob. But not, strictly speaking, outside of protocol. I like the Captain’s idea here. If you can show some initiative by going out on this scouting mission, and you produce results, we could arrange for another communicator.
CAPTAIN
Yeah, you could show some initiative by actually gathering some rations for the journey.
BOB
Oh! You want me to show some initiative? You know, ’cause that’s how this whole thing started. I was told, “Show some initiative! Do some work, Bob!” So I started working in the kitchen. I actually made a soufflé. I made a soufflé! And you know what, that’s the worst idea I’ve ever had in my life. Because ever since then, it’s like, “Hey, you can make a soufflé. Maybe you can make pancakes! Oh, hey, maybe you can go out alone Rambo style, and just go and find Beatrix!”
INITIATIVE
Bob trudges through the woods.
BOB
(muttering to himself)
God damn it…
(shouts)
Beatrix? Beatrix!
Oh God, I can’t even see the ship anymore. I thought I saw footprints, but…
A soft rustle nearby.
BOB
Hello? What was that?
BEATRIX
(softly)
Bob?
BOB
(startled)
Aaa!
BEATRIX
Bob!
BOB
Beatrix!
BEATRIX
Shh, calm down.
BOB
(frantic with relief)
Oh, Beatrix! Beatrix! Oh my God, I have to hug you!
BEATRIX
No, no, stop, stop. Bob. Stop.
Bob settles down.
BEATRIX
Are you wearing a communicator?
BOB
No. They wouldn’t give me one.
BEATRIX
What’s the last thing you remember?
BOB
You saying, “Bob, are you wearing a communicator?”
BEATRIX
Bob, what’s the last thing you remember? What did you remember the last time you woke up?
BOB
This morning, I woke up thinking I should probably share the chocolate a little more. But I was going to put it in some pancakes…
BEATRIX
Bob, what do you remember before this morning? Like, concrete memory?
BOB
Are you sure we can’t do the hug thing?
BEATRIX
Bob. What do you remember?
Silence.
BOB
I have these weird dreams. I…
They’re strange. They don’t make sense. Um…
There’s something in the Box Room.
BEATRIX
I have similar dreams.
BOB
What?
BEATRIX
I have similar dreams.
BOB
You get eaten by a monster in the Box Room?!
BEATRIX
Bob. There’s something happening.
HARD RESET
On board the ship. Bartholomew is pacing.
BARTHOLOMEW
Captain, it’s nearly 10 PM now. I’m getting worried. Quite frankly, if something had happened, I would have expected Beatrix to respond by now.
CAPTAIN
No, you’re right, you’re right. You know what, let’s take a flight around and just see if we can see anything. Maybe they’ve put up a flare.
BARTHOLOMEW
That’s certainly one idea. Um… I wanted to to visit the possibility of maybe doing a hard reset.
CAPTAIN
A hard reset?
BARTHOLOMEW
Well, these iterations of Beatrix—and we might as well throw Bob in there too—aren’t that old. We could just, you know—I know you have the capability to send out the immediate death signal, and… we could just bring them back. Whatever’s going on, it’ll be taken care of.
CAPTAIN
I know. But then if we do that then they have to restart all over again, and they have to redo the memory thing. And even my memory is not working and won’t upload properly. So no, that definitely won’t work.
BARTHOLOMEW
Okay, but we can only wait so long. Could we say maybe if we don’t see them by midnight we do a hard reset?
CAPTAIN
(sighs)
Uh… yeah. Yeah, all right, midnight it is.
THE PLAN
The woods. Bob is pacing frantically.
BEATRIX
Bob.
BOB
I can’t listen anymore. I’m really freaking out with what you told me.
BEATRIX
I need you to listen.
You need to hear me right now.
BOB
There’s more?
BEATRIX
I need you to kill me.
Silence.
BOB
(splutters)
What?!
BEATRIX
Bob. No, listen. I need you to kill me and I need you not to freak out. I need you to go back to the ship. And I need you to tell them that everything’s fine—that I tripped or fell in a pit or something. But I need you to lie for me, Bob.
BOB
Beatrix, I’m… This is a lot.
BEATRIX
I know. But take this leaf. Okay? Take this leaf.
And I need you to put it somewhere I’ll find it—in a pocket or inside my pod—just somewhere that I’ll find it. Please don’t read what’s on it. Okay? I’m asking you, don’t read what’s on the leaf. Don’t ask me how I got something to write on the leaf and just trust me.
BOB
Okay.
I really want to read that leaf right now…
BEATRIX
Bob, I need you to—
BOB
Okay, okay, no, I’ll put it away. I… Beatrix, I can’t kill you! I… I can barely break eggs, Beatrix. You know, I cried when I broke my first egg.
BEATRIX
I know. Those poor baby chicken embryos.
BOB
I can’t kill you. I can’t kill anything, Beatrix. I can’t even… Well, I did make a soufflé.
BEATRIX
You did. You made a soufflé. And the first one was really truly terrible.
BOB
Yeah.
BEATRIX
But the second and third were good.
BOB
And then I made pancakes.
BEATRIX
And then you made pancakes.
BOB
Well, they were sort of pancakes.
BEATRIX
They were… flat things…
BOB
Watery…
BEATRIX
Bob. Look at me.
BOB
And… I did come out to find you.
BEATRIX
You did.
BOB
I… I found you.
BEATRIX
You found me.
BOB
You were just a hundred yards from the ship.
BEATRIX
No, you followed the trail I left for you.
BOB
Really?
BEATRIX
You must have found me. You have some scouting ability. I feel like we’ve been in these woods so many times, and sometimes I don’t know how I know that. But what I do know is that if we are to be safe—if we’re to figure this out—I need you to kill me.
WAITING
On the ship.
CAPTAIN
Well, it’s 11:50.
BARTHOLOMEW
They’re clearly not coming back. We might as well just do it now.
CAPTAIN
(sighs)
I don’t I don’t know if this is the right thing to do. I’m having a little moral dilemma here! I don’t know, this is weird.
BARTHOLOMEW
Well, Captain, you’re our leader here. Ultimately, this is your decision. But I take my role as HR—but more than that, as your advisor—seriously.
CAPTAIN
Mm hmm?
BARTHOLOMEW
I just think… we don’t want to threaten our enterprise here.
CAPTAIN
Right.
BARTHOLOMEW
But I mean, we don’t know what’s happened. Maybe Beatrix is in an uncomfortable position. Maybe her leg is trapped under a boulder and she’s in great pain.
CAPTAIN
Oh gosh…
BARTHOLOMEW
I mean, I know she’ll just respawn eventually anyway, but… that sticks with a person, you know? I think it’s the most humane thing to do, is just… flip the kill switch.
CAPTAIN
Okay, five more minutes and we’ll do it. Just give me some time. Let me figure something out.
DIFFICULTIES
BEATRIX
Bob…
BOB
Okay, I… we tried—clearly I can’t do this. I think we need an alternate plan.
BEATRIX
Bob.
BOB
What if we climb this tree thing together, and we hold hands and jump? Oh, right, I have to place the leaf.
BEATRIX
Bob, there’s no more time. You need to do this. And I know you can.
As soon as it’s done, run. Back to the ship.
I’ll be fine.
BOB
Okay.
I… How?
BEATRIX
I trust you.
Cut to a few minutes later. Beatrix and Bob are struggling.
BOB
No, just hold the dirt in your mouth! Come on, don’t let it out! Come on!
Beatrix thrashes, spluttering, and spits out the dirt.
BEATRIX
(retching)
Ugh! Gross. It tastes worse than what I wrote the note with.
Cut to a few minutes later, high in a tree.
BOB
Okay, I’m gonna push you off this tree! Are you ready?
BEATRIX
Yeah!
BOB
I’m gonna push you to your death!
BEATRIX
(screams)
BOB
Yaagh!
Branches crack, and Beatrix plummets to the ground with a thud.
Silence.
BOB
Are you dead?
BEATRIX
(miserably)
No…
Cut to a few minutes later still. Bob is wrestling with a huge boulder.
BOB
Okay, I’m gonna lift a little higher. Put your head under there.
BEATRIX
Oh God.
BOB
Come on, come on, put it under!
BEATRIX
I really thought this would be easier…
BOB
Put it under. And… ungh…
The boulder slips and falls with a thud.
BOB
Oh! Aagh! My leg! Aaaa, my leg! Aaaaaagh—
COUNTDOWN
In the ship’s Pod Room. A counter ticks down.
CAPTAIN
I can’t believe you’re making me do this.
BARTHOLOMEW
I’m not making you do it.
CAPTAIN
You’re definitely making me do it.
BARTHOLOMEW
Strongly advising.
A beep and an electronic chime.
Beatrix’s pod hisses open. She yawns and stretches and slowly steps out.
BEATRIX
Oh… Hey, Bartholomew! What are you doing outside my pod?
BARTHOLOMEW
Beatrix! I was expecting you.
Bob’s pod opens next.
BOB
(yawns and stretches)
Hi guys! Hi Beatrix!
He steps out as well.
BEATRIX
Hi Bob!
BOB
(laughs, then stops)
What are we all doing in the Pod Room?
BARTHOLOMEW
We’re having an R-2 form party!
The others cheer.
CREDITS
Theme music plays.
ANNOUNCER
Civilized.
Starring Kristi Boulton, Michael Divinski, Mbula Enobong and Sean Howard.
Sound design and music by Eli McIlveen.
Cover art by David Demaret.
Join us on Patreon for bonus episodes and lots more. Look for the Support Us link at civilizedpod.com.
TAG: A MESSAGE
Daytime in the woods. Beatrix stops to examine something.
BEATRIX
What’s this?
A leaf’s just stuck to the trunk with something. It says, “For Beatrix”.
What? What’s this on the back? It’s…
She turns the leaf over and reads.
BEATRIX
“In case of Bob’s failure…”
Music sting.
ANNOUNCER
A Fable and Folly Production.