On the run from the ship, Beatrix has a plan. But everything depends on Bob – and the clock is ticking.

Starring Kristi Boulton, Michael Divinski, Mbula Enobong and Sean Howard.

Sound design: Eli McIlveen
Cover art: David Demaret
Announcers: Marisa King and Michael Howie

Content warning: bodily harm; jump scares; murder? suicide? but definitely death.

Music sting.

KRISTI BOULTON AS BEATRIX

Oh! Hey, everybody! It’s Beatrix. What are you all doing outside my pod?

Oh well, anyway. I just wanted to come tell you about some of the amazing bonus content that we have coming out with Civilized soon. There’s a whole bunch of behind-the-scenes stuff that is going to be amazing, and you can hear out all about the zany antics that we get up to beyond the pod.

So please, come check us out on civilizedpod.com, and click the Support link. Because if you become one of our amazing patrons, then you get to see all of this stuff, and it’s awesome.

Okay, I’m gonna go into the woods. But thanks so much, guys! And I’ll see you in maybe the next iteration! Bye!

Theme music plays.

NARRATOR

Humanity’s last hope to find and settle a new world. A small terraforming fleet sets out to prepare a lifeless planet for the colony ships sure to follow in their wake.

ANNOUNCER

Civilized.

RUNNING

Night in the woods. Cricket-like creatures sing as Beatrix runs through headlong, panting and whimpering in fear.

Silence falls. She goes still, waiting tensely.

WORK SHIFT IS OVER

The kitchen. The door slides open as Barty enters.

BARTHOLOMEW

Bob.

BOB

(startled)

Buh! Oh! Hi, Bartholomew. I didn’t see you come in.

BARTHOLOMEW

Bob, it’s 40 minutes past 6.

BOB

What? What am I doing in the kitchen? Work shift is over!

He gathers his things.

BOB

Sorry, do you mind if we walk and talk? I don’t like to stay in the kitchen any longer than I have to. It’s actually really scary in here.

They head out down the corridor.

BARTHOLOMEW

Your work shift isn’t the only one that’s over. I expected Beatrix back 45 minutes ago.

BOB

Oh, that’s… is that unusual?

BARTHOLOMEW

Well, yes…

BOB

I figure, with all the scouting and climbing and swimming and digging…

CAPTAIN

(over loudspeakers)

Yeah. Well, I tried contacting her on the remote access watch, and she’s not responding.

The door to the main room opens as Bob and Bartholomew enter.

BOB

Hey, guys, can I—I know we brought it up, but… Can I get one of those watches?

CAPTAIN

We gave you one.

BOB

I know. I just need another one.

CAPTAIN

We only have so many. Why do you want another one?

BOB

I know. I won’t lose this one. I promise.

BARTHOLOMEW

You lost the other one?!

BOB

I mean, I won’t misplace and then find it later. I’m still gonna find it, Captain! I swear I…

CAPTAIN

Do you know how expensive those are?

BOB

Actually, no.

BARTHOLOMEW

Guys. Backburner. Beatrix is missing!

BOB

Oh, right. Yeah, that’s important. Okay, uh… oooh, ooh! We should do a search and rescue party.

BARTHOLOMEW

Well, I’m glad that you suggested that, Bob.

BOB

Why?

BARTHOLOMEW

I think you would be a fantastic search and rescue lead.

BOB

(laughing nervously)

Oh, no, no, no, wait, no no. I was like, I’m just an ideas man. You know, I’m just like, woo hoo! Good idea, right? Yeah?

CAPTAIN

Even better for you to actually walk the walk instead of just talking the talk.

BOB

Okay, but then I definitely need one of those wrist things.

CAPTAIN

How about you show me some initiative and then we can you know, negotiate something?

Silence.

BOB

Hey, Barty, no support? Like, come on! You’re going to send me out into the wild with no way to communicate with the ship?

BARTHOLOMEW

You know what? It’s not strictly speaking within protocol—

BOB

Oh! Idea? Idea. Sorry. I know you don’t like being interrupted, but… I’ll just borrow yours! Look—

BARTHOLOMEW

You can’t borrow mine.

BOB

Hey, how come yours looks different than everyone else’s?

BARTHOLOMEW

HR requires certain functions that that yours don’t.

BOB

Oh.

BARTHOLOMEW

It’s not strictly within protocol, Bob. But not, strictly speaking, outside of protocol. I like the Captain’s idea here. If you can show some initiative by going out on this scouting mission, and you produce results, we could arrange for another communicator.

CAPTAIN

Yeah, you could show some initiative by actually gathering some rations for the journey.

BOB

Oh! You want me to show some initiative? You know, ’cause that’s how this whole thing started. I was told, “Show some initiative! Do some work, Bob!” So I started working in the kitchen. I actually made a soufflé. I made a soufflé! And you know what, that’s the worst idea I’ve ever had in my life. Because ever since then, it’s like, “Hey, you can make a soufflé. Maybe you can make pancakes! Oh, hey, maybe you can go out alone Rambo style, and just go and find Beatrix!”

INITIATIVE

Bob trudges through the woods.

BOB

(muttering to himself)

God damn it…

(shouts)

Beatrix? Beatrix!

Oh God, I can’t even see the ship anymore. I thought I saw footprints, but…

A soft rustle nearby.

BOB

Hello? What was that?

BEATRIX

(softly)

Bob?

BOB

(startled)

Aaa!

BEATRIX

Bob!

BOB

Beatrix!

BEATRIX

Shh, calm down.

BOB

(frantic with relief)

Oh, Beatrix! Beatrix! Oh my God, I have to hug you!

BEATRIX

No, no, stop, stop. Bob. Stop.

Bob settles down.

BEATRIX

Are you wearing a communicator?

BOB

No. They wouldn’t give me one.

BEATRIX

What’s the last thing you remember?

BOB

You saying, “Bob, are you wearing a communicator?”

BEATRIX

Bob, what’s the last thing you remember? What did you remember the last time you woke up?

BOB

This morning, I woke up thinking I should probably share the chocolate a little more. But I was going to put it in some pancakes…

BEATRIX

Bob, what do you remember before this morning? Like, concrete memory?

BOB

Are you sure we can’t do the hug thing?

BEATRIX

Bob. What do you remember?

Silence.

BOB

I have these weird dreams. I…

They’re strange. They don’t make sense. Um…

There’s something in the Box Room.

BEATRIX

I have similar dreams.

BOB

What?

BEATRIX

I have similar dreams.

BOB

You get eaten by a monster in the Box Room?!

BEATRIX

Bob. There’s something happening.

HARD RESET

On board the ship. Bartholomew is pacing.

BARTHOLOMEW

Captain, it’s nearly 10 PM now. I’m getting worried. Quite frankly, if something had happened, I would have expected Beatrix to respond by now.

CAPTAIN

No, you’re right, you’re right. You know what, let’s take a flight around and just see if we can see anything. Maybe they’ve put up a flare.

BARTHOLOMEW

That’s certainly one idea. Um… I wanted to to visit the possibility of maybe doing a hard reset.

CAPTAIN

A hard reset?

BARTHOLOMEW

Well, these iterations of Beatrix—and we might as well throw Bob in there too—aren’t that old. We could just, you know—I know you have the capability to send out the immediate death signal, and… we could just bring them back. Whatever’s going on, it’ll be taken care of.

CAPTAIN

I know. But then if we do that then they have to restart all over again, and they have to redo the memory thing. And even my memory is not working and won’t upload properly. So no, that definitely won’t work.

BARTHOLOMEW

Okay, but we can only wait so long. Could we say maybe if we don’t see them by midnight we do a hard reset?

CAPTAIN

(sighs)

Uh… yeah. Yeah, all right, midnight it is.

THE PLAN

The woods. Bob is pacing frantically.

BEATRIX

Bob.

BOB

I can’t listen anymore. I’m really freaking out with what you told me.

BEATRIX

I need you to listen.

You need to hear me right now.

BOB

There’s more?

BEATRIX

I need you to kill me.

Silence.

BOB

(splutters)

What?!

BEATRIX

Bob. No, listen. I need you to kill me and I need you not to freak out. I need you to go back to the ship. And I need you to tell them that everything’s fine—that I tripped or fell in a pit or something. But I need you to lie for me, Bob.

BOB

Beatrix, I’m… This is a lot.

BEATRIX

I know. But take this leaf. Okay? Take this leaf.

And I need you to put it somewhere I’ll find it—in a pocket or inside my pod—just somewhere that I’ll find it. Please don’t read what’s on it. Okay? I’m asking you, don’t read what’s on the leaf. Don’t ask me how I got something to write on the leaf and just trust me.

BOB

Okay.

I really want to read that leaf right now…

BEATRIX

Bob, I need you to—

BOB

Okay, okay, no, I’ll put it away. I… Beatrix, I can’t kill you! I… I can barely break eggs, Beatrix. You know, I cried when I broke my first egg.

BEATRIX

I know. Those poor baby chicken embryos.

BOB

I can’t kill you. I can’t kill anything, Beatrix. I can’t even… Well, I did make a soufflé.

BEATRIX

You did. You made a soufflé. And the first one was really truly terrible.

BOB

Yeah.

BEATRIX

But the second and third were good.

BOB

And then I made pancakes.

BEATRIX

And then you made pancakes.

BOB

Well, they were sort of pancakes.

BEATRIX

They were… flat things…

BOB

Watery…

BEATRIX

Bob. Look at me.

BOB

And… I did come out to find you.

BEATRIX

You did.

BOB

I… I found you.

BEATRIX

You found me.

BOB

You were just a hundred yards from the ship.

BEATRIX

No, you followed the trail I left for you.

BOB

Really?

BEATRIX

You must have found me. You have some scouting ability. I feel like we’ve been in these woods so many times, and sometimes I don’t know how I know that. But what I do know is that if we are to be safe—if we’re to figure this out—I need you to kill me.

WAITING

On the ship.

CAPTAIN

Well, it’s 11:50.

BARTHOLOMEW

They’re clearly not coming back. We might as well just do it now.

CAPTAIN

(sighs)

I don’t I don’t know if this is the right thing to do. I’m having a little moral dilemma here! I don’t know, this is weird.

BARTHOLOMEW

Well, Captain, you’re our leader here. Ultimately, this is your decision. But I take my role as HR—but more than that, as your advisor—seriously.

CAPTAIN

Mm hmm?

BARTHOLOMEW

I just think… we don’t want to threaten our enterprise here.

CAPTAIN

Right.

BARTHOLOMEW

But I mean, we don’t know what’s happened. Maybe Beatrix is in an uncomfortable position. Maybe her leg is trapped under a boulder and she’s in great pain.

CAPTAIN

Oh gosh…

BARTHOLOMEW

I mean, I know she’ll just respawn eventually anyway, but… that sticks with a person, you know? I think it’s the most humane thing to do, is just… flip the kill switch.

CAPTAIN

Okay, five more minutes and we’ll do it. Just give me some time. Let me figure something out.

DIFFICULTIES

BEATRIX

Bob…

BOB

Okay, I… we tried—clearly I can’t do this. I think we need an alternate plan.

BEATRIX

Bob.

BOB

What if we climb this tree thing together, and we hold hands and jump? Oh, right, I have to place the leaf.

BEATRIX

Bob, there’s no more time. You need to do this. And I know you can.

As soon as it’s done, run. Back to the ship.

I’ll be fine.

BOB

Okay.

I… How?

BEATRIX

I trust you.

Cut to a few minutes later. Beatrix and Bob are struggling.

BOB

No, just hold the dirt in your mouth! Come on, don’t let it out! Come on!

Beatrix thrashes, spluttering, and spits out the dirt.

BEATRIX

(retching)

Ugh! Gross. It tastes worse than what I wrote the note with.

Cut to a few minutes later, high in a tree.

BOB

Okay, I’m gonna push you off this tree! Are you ready?

BEATRIX

Yeah!

BOB

I’m gonna push you to your death!

BEATRIX

(screams)

BOB

Yaagh!

Branches crack, and Beatrix plummets to the ground with a thud.

Silence.

BOB

Are you dead?

BEATRIX

(miserably)

No…

Cut to a few minutes later still. Bob is wrestling with a huge boulder.

BOB

Okay, I’m gonna lift a little higher. Put your head under there.

BEATRIX

Oh God.

BOB

Come on, come on, put it under!

BEATRIX

I really thought this would be easier…

BOB

Put it under. And… ungh…

The boulder slips and falls with a thud.

BOB

Oh! Aagh! My leg! Aaaa, my leg! Aaaaaagh—

COUNTDOWN

In the ship’s Pod Room. A counter ticks down.

CAPTAIN

I can’t believe you’re making me do this.

BARTHOLOMEW

I’m not making you do it.

CAPTAIN

You’re definitely making me do it.

BARTHOLOMEW

Strongly advising.

A beep and an electronic chime.

Beatrix’s pod hisses open. She yawns and stretches and slowly steps out.

BEATRIX

Oh… Hey, Bartholomew! What are you doing outside my pod?

BARTHOLOMEW

Beatrix! I was expecting you.

Bob’s pod opens next.

BOB

(yawns and stretches)

Hi guys! Hi Beatrix!

He steps out as well.

BEATRIX

Hi Bob!

BOB

(laughs, then stops)

What are we all doing in the Pod Room?

BARTHOLOMEW

We’re having an R-2 form party!

The others cheer.

CREDITS

Theme music plays.

ANNOUNCER

Civilized.

Starring Kristi Boulton, Michael Divinski, Mbula Enobong and Sean Howard.

Sound design and music by Eli McIlveen.

Cover art by David Demaret.

Join us on Patreon for bonus episodes and lots more. Look for the Support Us link at civilizedpod.com.

TAG: A MESSAGE

Daytime in the woods. Beatrix stops to examine something.

BEATRIX

What’s this?

A leaf’s just stuck to the trunk with something. It says, “For Beatrix”.

What? What’s this on the back? It’s…

She turns the leaf over and reads.

BEATRIX

“In case of Bob’s failure…”

Music sting.

ANNOUNCER

A Fable and Folly Production.

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